Pinned toot

I’m selling lewd-lite pics now so hit me up if you’re interested. 5 pics for $20 or 4 and a gif💖
cash.me/$bonjellybean

venmo.com/code?user_id=2595568

Nothing stresses me out like traveling. I’m lucky to be able to do but it kicks my fucking ass.

If I stop doing precisely what he wants for a single moment, he does these pouty huffs and chuffs😹

I’m going to post videos of Elton and in them you can hear his licking sounds and how I whisper to him. Both are annoying😸

This is what he does after he greets anyone who comes home. He launches himself at me directly after, an licks my hand forever and ever.

One of my cats cleans themselves so much more loudly than the others. She loves an audience, too. All of this is my great sorrow.

If u ever have to take a polygraph test just lie really hard and you'll break the machine. same thing with DNA tests or any other thing Maury Povich might make u take

A group of bird scooters is called a FLOCK and the charging port is called a NEST and when you throw one in the river its called PRAXIS.

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I put eye drops in my eyes because they felt allergic-y and they somehow mixed with the moisturizer around my eye and now they just sting. It’s a different sensation but I’m still not a fan.

As Easter is coming up, I'd like to take a moment to say that bunnies are cute but also huge dickheads. They're rarely docile and cuddly and will absolutely destroy everything you love.

They live 10+ years, cost as much as a dog, and need a lot of time and attention. 75% of rabbits in the UK are neglected and many bought at Easter don't even make it to a year old.

Know what you're getting into, or stick with chocolate. bunny.nipple.solutions

I heard the line “Damn girl, you shit with that ass?” somewhere and I cannot stop thinking about it.

Has everyone already seen the paraglider getting attacked by a kangaroo? No one gets hurt, it’s just funny how quickly he goes from excited to see them to lamenting their involvement. youtu.be/C3QqDUnHWNQ

I’ve grown stronger in my absence. I am now powerful enough not to open anything that says “echidna penis”

I think tonight is the night I fall asleep before my dogs get thirsty and make me bring them water in bed. All three of them insist on a drink now. It’s honestly very cute but also leave me alone I’m in bed already😸

when you're in your own country speak your own language but if you're in america, speak 👏 in 👏 tongues 👏 it's not even that hard. if you can't do it god probably just doesn't love you enough

I’ve been MIA for a couple days because I had to log back into the app and I couldn’t face trying to remember my password

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.