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i'm legally obligated to say
"i'm kidding"
in case these toots are ever read out loud in a court of law

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i am become jorts.horse
destroyer of words

@hasya23 i just saw you display name change and laughed so hard i accidentally farted

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*teary eyed* P-please ma’am, can you please listen to my podcast

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Thrown out of another Applebees for setting up my science fair board titled "The Kinds of Tiddys I Like" complete with detailed measurements and one board dedicated to explaining the role of the Golden Ratio in art and nature.

thinking about starting a podcast about how i like tall women who don't slouch

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Begging for money Show more

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i wish i was a little bit taller
i wish i was a baller

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this is all just proof that digging in literally *never* the right move

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I tell women two things when I meet them:
I’m an appreciator of their falling within my attraction parameters and I am a personality on many online platforms

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i still don't understand why the intro of the naked dating show lists three contestants almost every time in the intro and then only ever shows two on the show

like what happened to the third contestant? are they banished to the shadow realm just like right off the rip? all those poor people that just stopped existing somehow...

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huh - the girl from vegas on this plastic surgery show looks familiar

thank you for coming to "my best of jorts.horse until chrome crashed"

see you all next month

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someone drop kick me into a wood chipper already

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.