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waiting on a firmware update for my headphones because 2019 is trash

"uhh my headphones need to connect to a special app to make them work good and i forgot to charge my cigarette" said the hero of a bullshit cyberpunk novel noone would ever read called the year 2019

"oh shit my thermostat got a virus that helped ddos a gamer and now my doorbell is turning me in to the police" said dirk chuggly as he cracked open an energy drink aerated with real nitrous oxide

@burgin I'm honestly surprised no one makes a nitro energy drink. Maybe I'll buy a NOS, make it flat then try it

@Authoritimmy @burgin

nitrous makes tinier bubbles that carbon dioxide, hence that creamy texture to nitro beverages.

the idea of an energy drink with rich, creamy mouthfeel is intriguing and can only be presumed absent from the market because focus groups were filled with cowards that day.

@jackdaw_ruiz @burgin I own a whipped cream maker, so I can force nitro practically any liquid, although its too much nitro every time. I'm probably going to buy a bigger container with a regulator so I can do nitro cold brew

@Authoritimmy @burgin

mmm yes i too owned many whip cream accessories and apparatuses.

... this interview is over, thank you.

@jackdaw_ruiz @burgin yeah drugs are cool but have you ever had pumpkin pie with fresh whipped cream made with a shot of cold brew coffee?

@jackdaw_ruiz @Authoritimmy there was a nitro-fizzed monster variant on the market in the US 4+ years ago. they put it in those neat cans with the screw-on aluminum cap

It tasted flat imo

(sorry for responding to a yesterday thread)

@jackdaw_ruiz it'd prob be legitimately flat by now even if you found one ┐( ̄ー ̄)┌

@varx @jackdaw_ruiz @burgin
Nitrous oxide is what is used for nitro beverages and making whipped cream typically

@Authoritimmy @jackdaw_ruiz @burgin Correct on canned whipped cream, incorrect on nitrogenized beer and coffee.

But hey, there's still time left in 2019 for this bad idea to be made reality, so let's get crackin'!

@burgin ah I've seen those, but always just assumed it was their branding and not actually nitro. Good, the chargers are like a buck apiece

@burgin this thread is so cursed. so. so. cursed.

i love it! 🤩

@burgin i'd read it but i wouldn't enjoy it. i'd set it down and go "well that had a compelling main character but i just feel like the world building was lazy and unrealistic"

@myconidiosyncracy @burgin

I suspect the character writing would be lazy as hell. The world's richest man is building a rocketship to mars and builds police spy door bells and has sinister robot dogs he made for the military? I mean, Dr Evil is also a stereotype, but at least he's kind of camp.

@pootz they are microsoft surface headphones, i got them free from a friend, but they quit working right and i had to download the cortana app to update the firmware lol. they've worked great ever since but it was a strange experience

@burgin
Wow I'll give up wired headphones when i'm dead then I guess lol

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.