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Does anybody else remember that time that Stephen King went off about like "I dare you internet motherfuckers to come to MY house" and then he posted a picture of his fence but it was like a shitty little 4ft wrought iron thing that any robust child could get over in two seconds

gack and gackt are similar in that most people have thought about putting their dick in both

In sales, remember the saying "ABC"

Always
Beat up
Cops

do you ever think about how "welp" is just the modern English version of "alas"

Being popular is fascism which is why I make absolutely certain that I never do anything that anyone likes

One nice side effect of all the Cool Kids trying to out-woke each other is that nobody has done one of those twee ass iron & wine style acoustic covers of a rap banger from the 80's in a while

Throw all art & film critics into the fucking sea

A movie take i literally saw with my own two eyeballs Show more

Tattoo is doing that fun thing where a bunch of it peels off and then the part underneath looks like a faded bag off ass and you panic for a second before you remember that this happens every time and it'll be fine in a week

Everybody fucking dies except Daryl & Carol, who move to a cabin in the Appalachians together and get a whole shitload of dogs. Fuck off, the end.

Hire me to write the final season of Walking Dead

i dont agree with your poo poo but i will defend to the death your right to pee pee it

Hello I'm a grown adult and I just spilled ranch dressing on my wolfman shirt

MEN: being unhealthy is unattractive

ME: *lays around vaping and eating chips all day like a shitty housecat but magically stays a size 2*

MEN: no not like that

Jordan Peele's "Us" is about to be the first home invasion genre movie that gets me to the theater since I almost got kicked out of Funny Games for repeatedly yelling OH COME ON at the screen

Anything with a 2% aromachemical concentration in an alcohol base is cologne sorry ladies I don't make the rules

Thinking about how people are so horny for gender that they have to label women's cologne "body spray" because otherwise nobody would buy it

I just inhaled aerosolized Tabasco, please avenge me and give all my expensive lotions to @Los_Ingobernables_De_Jorts , rip

I put makeup on Ray Nagin for a TV show once and now he's in federal prison so there's a small chance that I have some kind of really shitty super power

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.