a depiction of a lone woman on her own, with no man in sight? preposterous, there is no way she could survive long enough for the photo to be taken

@hasya23 I'm imagining some man getting sent a selfie by a girl and getting really mad that there's no man in the selfie.

@hasya23 every single one of these pink boxes drives me to ask yet more upsetting questions

questions and inquiries are to be avoided, especially of the upsetting sort. try cooing softly to place the man at ease.

Seriously though. Fancy even thinking this article was remotely true. 95%* of het cis males don't even know what a vase is.

*Or thereabouts

@hasya23 Honestly that floral wallpaper is more of a red flag than any of the things they've pointed out ngl

@andi @hasya23 also why would you put that picture against that wallpaper? And, uh, that coffee table? Pick ONE of—okay pick NONE of those. Fire your life coach and hire a decorator


slightly lewd Show more

@veryonlinedad @andi

the wallpaper is horrid but if you look at the picture its painted to have the same background which loops it back around to kinda good, i think

@hasya23 @veryonlinedad I would argue that, despite the very :valid: point you've raised, it's really a pretty ugly picture and not even background interoperability really saves it.

becoming a life coach as a lark and trying not to laugh as i tell my bougie clients to do increasingly ridiculous things

@hasya23 this reads more like a shopping list.

"The magazine says that pits of blood are off-putting, but where am I even going to find that much blood?"


blood is a sauce so you could probably substitute another sauce and some food coloring


"Is that a... Kiddie pool full of ketchup?"

"Huh... You're still here."

Merciful fuck, I was so distracted by the threatening aura of a tiny cactus that I missed that trash fire of a blurb

Every second spent looking at it reveals a new travesty

be careful not to gaze too long, lest the abyss gaze back

@hasya23 hard to believe that a white lady "with a background in feng shui" could be this wrong, and yet here we are

@hasya23 throwing all my gloomy books on the floor to create more clutter

@hasya23 okay but now I'm gonna need to see the version of this that's for men hoping to date women

caps Show more

@denikombucha @hasya23 right, more frequently a sign of woo and cultural appropriation

@twistylittlepassages @hasya23

Like, most pics of Jesus have him looking starved wearing nothing but a loin cloth but somehow the Buddha=Poverty/Isolation🤨

@hasya23 I sorta get the bit about clutter and lots of gloomy media in the library but.. buddha as a sign of poverty? say what :blobconfused:

Also not sure how the collection of female imagery is supposed to say anything other than "this is a nice picture". :blobmelt:

@hasya23 oh my god is this a parody thing or real? I'm dying

@hasya23 she has fifty one pictures of women up none of men? color me doubtful she wants attention from men.

As a male, I call bullshit. The #1 off-putting thing is a bad attitude.

@hasya23 I'm not turned off by the gloomy titles, and I'm not Christian so Buddha is fine. Clutter is comforting, and I like pictures of single women just fine, but that lady's grimace on the right covered in thick makeup and showing the whites of her eyes makes me scared to be alone with her in a dark alley.

booty hole Show more

This is still hilarious. Why do men take relationship advice off men and women off women?

im fairly certain that any relationship advice in a magazine should be steered clear of, even the sex tips are weird things like ice cube blowjobs

@hasya23 @floppyplopper only ask advice from close friends who know all parties imo. anyone else is just going to project their own desires and experiences on you and will not give good advice

@wintgenstein @hasya23
I think I last went on a date something like 8 years ago so I'm very out of the loop. So last time a woman gave me her mobile number (out of the blue) I basically asked all my female friends (both gay and straight) do I call? Do I text? What are good places for a date? Etc. (I didn't get the date *sad face*)

@floppyplopper @hasya23 damn sorry yo hear that. I've only been on dates after I already was in a relationship and only got into relationships through the internet

@floppyplopper @hasya23 if you are #ballinonabudget like me I recommend inviting someone special back to your place and cooking a meal together

@wintgenstein @hasya23
Thanks for your advice everyone.

When I was doing dates and relationships I felt pretty happy about it. But when I examine my feelings I think I was more happy to be passing as "normal" than to be with the person.

Nowadays I'm not very eager to be in a relationship or have a sexual life.

@floppyplopper @hasya23 yeah i really mellowed out as i got older, i guess having a serious significant other will do that to me lol

@floppyplopper @wintgenstein
aww, sorry you didnt get the date

if its someone i just met recently i usually go to a coffee shop for a first date instead of dinner or whatever, that way you dont have to sit through a meal together if you dont click

@hasya23 @floppyplopper yeah I have to make sure the coffee shop serves tea or smoothies because i hate coffee unless its arabic but I love them its pretty informal.


I'm a settled man, and I have all those things in my house (flowers, vase, buddhas etc).

Things that would turn a man off would probably be things like drug paraphernalia, too-many-cats or simply it just being plain nasty.

I think these magazines are written to keep the readers single and lonely with crap advice, so they keep buying this nonsense.


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