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When people who don’t use mastodon ask me questions like “what is mastodon?” or “how do i get started?”, i always explain the following 3 things:

1. i don’t know
2. i don’t care
3. if you put a text box in front of me i will just type random shit and post it for no fucking reason, it does Not matter
4. i can’t count

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my ambition to be a truly great poster ever hampered by the fact that i have like one thought per week

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i am a “triple threat” (i have 3 brain cells)

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healyn

One noticeable pattern among the people advocating for AI as a writer replacement is not one of these people has ever said anything funny in their lives, even by accident

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sluttymayo

yooo can we invent a smart door lock that uses "the blockchain" somehow? it would be the worst thing ever

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Dire Wolf :kirby:

Adhd meds kicked in while scrolling so now I'm really really focused on scrolling.

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back in the anxiety mind palace, simultaneously rotating a dozen worst case scenarios with unerring precision, playing 4 dimensional anxiety-chess against myself and losing. having a blast

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dark fedi thoughtfluencer

'two things can be true?'

you fool. you lowly swineherd. no things are true

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freeformz

It’s Debbie time #pdx #pdxtst

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BLURST

intermittent fasting was cool, but now I'm on intermittent washing and pissing (every 3rd day, for the whole day)

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Touk

git repent

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Sarah Taber

mods are asleep post weird extinct megafauna

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Roselia De Lescrime

Technically, it's only satanic if the goat walks on two legs like a man or speaks in human tongue. A three headed sheep chair strays from God's divine light, but isn't technically satanic. It's spiritually neutral.

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☠️ 

sometimes it pisses me off when someone can’t get on my level of anxiety. like oh, you’re nervous something might go wrong? sure me too and also i’m nervous i might smell something weird and when i go to investigate i discover my own decomposing corpse and it turns out i’ve been dead for weeks and i’m a ghost and i’ve been out here embarrassing myself thinking i’m alive and it’s like…. get on my level okay??????

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*trying to sell you on chatgpt* okay so imagine an idiot. just a complete moron. ok? so now imagine this dumbbell has read the entire internet. the whole thing. AND they are still stupid. now i know exactly what you’re thinking—how do i get that idiot to do my job for me??? they’d be great at it!

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donni saphire

Man is the only animal that calls itself Dave

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:akuma_no_uta:​

I'm glad to announce my new instance loser.social, the first instance for fucking losers

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the trick is to have a stupid job that you are great at but don’t care about, and a little creative hobby that you are just absolutely dogshit at but that means the entire world to you

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NO NUT LIFETIME

capitals letters take up more space in databases. help save space by using all lower case

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imagine if i was like… My interests include The News because I enjoy keeping up with current events.

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okay coming back to this: who should i follow on my normie account? like if i was just a totally regular internet user, with a vague interest in uhhhhhh…. technology and music (generically!) and who enjoys a good chuckle. looking to give off no vibe whatsoever.

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carter
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