reporting LIVE from CUBICLE HELL, i bring you the latest in office humor!!! this is some real EPIC shit, folks
EL OH EL!!!!!
🚨 CRITICAL ALMOST-TWO-WEEK
UPDATE!!!!! 🚨
noticing that he just leaves these things up all week, i have chosen this monday to massively improve the situation
he has not noticed, yet
upon arriving to work today, all of the camels have been removed. unsure what the reaction was when he noticed
if he puts any/all of them back up this wednesday, i will print out a picture of a large horse with the words GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!!!! and attach it to his cube this thursday
if questioned, i will deny any knowledge of these actions
two weeks from now on a thursday, i will wish him a "happy horseday" in passing
VERY WELL. OPERATION: HORSEDAY WILL GO INTO EFFECT NEXT WEEK.
THE TARGET HAS LEFT EARLY FOR THE DAY
COMMENCE OPERATION:HORSEDAY. I REPEAT, COMMENCE OPERATION:HORSEDAY
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
there is no sign of my masterpiece to be seen
target's reaction: unknown
a reasonably accurate dramatization of his discovery upon arriving to work this morning: "what the, fuck? huh??"
OH ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN??? HUH??? YOU WANNA PLAY GUY??? ALRIGHT ITS ON, I'LL SEE YOU TUESDAY BUDDY 🐎🐎🐎 🐎🐎
i forgot to celebrate horseday
that's okay
it'll only mean his guard will be that much lower next week
THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS DESK
HE SUSPECTS NOTHING
OPERATION HORSEDAY ROUND TWO: START
he didn't notice it for several minutes
while i was trying to get a sneaky photo of him typing with the horse in the background, he FOUND IT
behold the ultimate action shot:
"hey Tom, who came back here while i was gone?"
"huh?"
"like in the past 15 minutes, who came by my desk?"
"oh i dunno, i guess i wasn't paying attention"
"i got a ... horse. someone left a horse."
"i was here the whole time too, guess i didn't notice. huh."
I STRIKE FROM THE SHADOWS
NONE SUSPECT MY PRESENCE, LIKE A VERY DARK COLOURED PIDGEON IN A DARK ALLEYWAY, PLOTTING
IF THE CAMELS RETURN, NEXT WEEK A NEW HORSE WILL APPEAR, ALONG WITH AN EQUINE PHOTOGRAPH WITH THIS OVERLAYED ON TOP:
c'mon you motherfucker it's been two weeks without a camel picture put up
how am i supposed to continue my Art if you don't give me something to retaliate against???
i've overheard him talking about the inexplicable horse gift several times, it's still sitting on his desk
me, staring at the variety of horse figurines on my desk at home, all awaiting their chance for glory,
The Great Horse War is still stuck in a cease-fire since the Camel Nation halted all hostilities
this displeases me
there is, however, a parallel conflict in this office
one that has been going on for literal years
between my father, and an unknown antagonist
The Office Kitchen TV Fox News War
i overheard camelbro yesterday remarking that he is the culprit!!!!?
here's a screenshot of the direct quote
game on, fucker
you like that 8 0 so much, do ya?
good luck buddy, i keep a screwdriver in my purse at all times
a few minutes ago i stole the remote and snuck into a "phone room" (tiny private cubes for making calls)
after carefully removing (ripping) the 8 off, I scratched off the wiring on the board below it so that the 8 could never be pressed again
it kept lighting up anyway when I added the button back, but the button sits in the remote kinda shitty and it accidentally presses more than you want if you manage to get it to light up.... oh well, mission close enough to accomplished i guess
BUT WAIT
it turns out that if you manage to press the 8.... it sends 5, instead
CHECKMATE MOTHERFUCKER YOU CAME TO THE WRONG 🐎NEIGH🐎BORHOOD
THIS TUESDAY:
OPERATION HORSEDAY TAKES THINGS INTO ITS OWN HANDS
FOR TOO LONG HAVE WE WAITED ON DEFENSE
TUESDAY, WE GO ON THE OFFENSIVE OURSELVES
#🐎
THE LONG AWAITED CONTINUATION OF OPERATION HORSEDAY IS UPON US
first, behold the ＨＯＲＳＥ in it's natural state, exactly as it was when delivered onto the target's desk:
yes folks, that's right, you've guessed it: operation horseday has officially escalated to chemical weapons: GASLIGHTING
HAS THIS SADDLE ALWAYS BEEN HERE? SURELY IT HASNT... HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN HERE? WHO PUT IT HERE? HOW DOES IT FIT SO PERFECTLY??? WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE WRONG?????
feel free to take bets on how long it takes him to notice the ｃｈａｎｇｅ
(yes that is a coffee mug that says I LOVE MY WIFE on it)
P.S.: two weeks after i confirm that he's noticed the saddle, the saddle will gain a humble ｒｉｄｅｒ, on a tuesday, of course
🚨 !!! RED ALERT !!! 🚨
THE TARGET HAS ARRIVED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS ARRIVED
he's looking right at the thing as he scribbles post-it notes for later, but hasn't noticed that anything is wrong
CHANGE BLINDNESS IS IN EFFECT, I REPEAT, CHANGE BLINDNESS HAS TAKEN EFFECT
the horse has not moved an inch
he is drinking coffee from a mug he keeps placing directly next to it, seemingly never having realized anything is awry
i don't think he'll ever realize it
HMMMMM...
it is decided! within the next week or two, we will add the bridle onto the horse, and see if that garners any kind of reaction or notice.
several weeks later, the reins will make their appearance. HOW MANY CHANGES CAN I MAKE WITH HIM STILL UNAWARES? tune in next week to find out, same horse time same horse channel
bastard is on vacation
do i add the bridle while he's gone? or wait? hmmm
i think i wait til he's back so he sees it without 1 day then with the next day, yeah, that's the ticket
！！！！！！！！！！
🚨 MAN THE BATTLESTATIONS 🚨
🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨
🚨 I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! 🚨
！！！！！！！！！！
EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE CAMEL NATION ATTACKED
....that kinda sounds racist out of context, hm
THE COUNTEROFFENSIVE IS PREPARED
THE PAYLOAD IS COMPLETE
WE ARE LOCKED IN FOR HORSEDAY, NOV 5TH
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
I STRIKE FROM THE SHADOWS
I FORGOT THE HORSE BRIDLE AT HOME
THAT PHASE OF THE OPERATION WILL HAVE TO WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK
HAVE A BLESSED HORSEDAY, COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH.
he uhhhh.... got back from wherever he was
and he didn't notice it
he's just casually working with this piece of shit clipped to his cubicle 2 feet away from him
lmfao
"Ahhh what the fuck, what is this?? Who visited me?"
"I don't know"
"I don't know either. It wasn't here this morning, so someone put it up in the last 15 minutes..."
"What is the date...? Today is 11/5... So what is significant about the fifth of November....."
"Billy maybe? He was just up here."
"I dunno. I dunno. I don't know what this means."
"Look somebody did *this*, and i dunno who did this one either. Put a horse on my desk a few months ago, I don't know what that's about either."
how the fuck does he not even remotely suspect me
come on
at this point the fact that he doesn't seem to have even a SHRED of suspicion against me is beginning to become an insult against my honor
I went and checked his STASH to see if he still had my old printouts, but it seems he ditched them or ferreted them away somewhere else. I was gonna put back up all 3 at once next week, but all he has are his two stupid camel prints and this most recent horse print of mine...
He doesn't seem to have ever connected the previous printouts (flying camel, first horse print) with this one or with the horse toy, and he certainly hasn't connected the whole thing with his dumb hump day jokes...
he hasn't noticed this always happens on a tuesday (horseday), but he has at last recognized the connection between the horse figurine and today's assault. he still seems completely oblivious that the saddle wasn't there from the start (goddamned change blindness)
next week i'll either go subtle (bridle + reins) or full on frontal assault (bridle + reins + rider + bonus horse), maybe depending on what he does tomorrow
PERHAPS, ONE DAY, HE'LL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY,
@killeveryhetero this saga is so important
@killeveryhetero they've got their blinders on
The horse'd has become the horse
@killeveryhetero just want to say, this thread is beautiful and you're a master at your craft.
@killeveryhetero just getting caught up on the great horse war and it seems like things are really galloping along.
@killeveryhetero Jesus, this will tip him over the edge.
@killeveryhetero terrifying and cursed
@killeveryhetero REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 5TH OF NOVEMBER
CAMEL-HORSE TREASON AND PLOT,
@anna yeah the 5th of november reference was accidental but its even funnier that he didn't get it
@killeveryhetero Page 1 of 1 baby
@radicalrobit he always uses the same fucking piece of paper i should draw a dick on it when he's not here
now, behold the ＩＭＰＲＯＶＥＭＥＮＴ