game on, fucker
you like that 8 0 so much, do ya?
good luck buddy, i keep a screwdriver in my purse at all times
a few minutes ago i stole the remote and snuck into a "phone room" (tiny private cubes for making calls)
after carefully removing (ripping) the 8 off, I scratched off the wiring on the board below it so that the 8 could never be pressed again
it kept lighting up anyway when I added the button back, but the button sits in the remote kinda shitty and it accidentally presses more than you want if you manage to get it to light up.... oh well, mission close enough to accomplished i guess
BUT WAIT
it turns out that if you manage to press the 8.... it sends 5, instead
CHECKMATE MOTHERFUCKER YOU CAME TO THE WRONG 🐎NEIGH🐎BORHOOD
THIS TUESDAY:
OPERATION HORSEDAY TAKES THINGS INTO ITS OWN HANDS
FOR TOO LONG HAVE WE WAITED ON DEFENSE
TUESDAY, WE GO ON THE OFFENSIVE OURSELVES
#🐎
THE LONG AWAITED CONTINUATION OF OPERATION HORSEDAY IS UPON US
first, behold the ＨＯＲＳＥ in it's natural state, exactly as it was when delivered onto the target's desk:
yes folks, that's right, you've guessed it: operation horseday has officially escalated to chemical weapons: GASLIGHTING
HAS THIS SADDLE ALWAYS BEEN HERE? SURELY IT HASNT... HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN HERE? WHO PUT IT HERE? HOW DOES IT FIT SO PERFECTLY??? WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE WRONG?????
feel free to take bets on how long it takes him to notice the ｃｈａｎｇｅ
(yes that is a coffee mug that says I LOVE MY WIFE on it)
P.S.: two weeks after i confirm that he's noticed the saddle, the saddle will gain a humble ｒｉｄｅｒ, on a tuesday, of course
🚨 !!! RED ALERT !!! 🚨
THE TARGET HAS ARRIVED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS ARRIVED
he's looking right at the thing as he scribbles post-it notes for later, but hasn't noticed that anything is wrong
CHANGE BLINDNESS IS IN EFFECT, I REPEAT, CHANGE BLINDNESS HAS TAKEN EFFECT
the horse has not moved an inch
he is drinking coffee from a mug he keeps placing directly next to it, seemingly never having realized anything is awry
i don't think he'll ever realize it
HMMMMM...
it is decided! within the next week or two, we will add the bridle onto the horse, and see if that garners any kind of reaction or notice.
several weeks later, the reins will make their appearance. HOW MANY CHANGES CAN I MAKE WITH HIM STILL UNAWARES? tune in next week to find out, same horse time same horse channel
bastard is on vacation
do i add the bridle while he's gone? or wait? hmmm
i think i wait til he's back so he sees it without 1 day then with the next day, yeah, that's the ticket
！！！！！！！！！！
🚨 MAN THE BATTLESTATIONS 🚨
🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨
🚨 I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! 🚨
！！！！！！！！！！
EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE CAMEL NATION ATTACKED
....that kinda sounds racist out of context, hm
THE COUNTEROFFENSIVE IS PREPARED
THE PAYLOAD IS COMPLETE
WE ARE LOCKED IN FOR HORSEDAY, NOV 5TH
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
I STRIKE FROM THE SHADOWS
I FORGOT THE HORSE BRIDLE AT HOME
THAT PHASE OF THE OPERATION WILL HAVE TO WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK
HAVE A BLESSED HORSEDAY, COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH.
he uhhhh.... got back from wherever he was
and he didn't notice it
he's just casually working with this piece of shit clipped to his cubicle 2 feet away from him
lmfao
"Ahhh what the fuck, what is this?? Who visited me?"
"I don't know"
"I don't know either. It wasn't here this morning, so someone put it up in the last 15 minutes..."
"What is the date...? Today is 11/5... So what is significant about the fifth of November....."
"Billy maybe? He was just up here."
"I dunno. I dunno. I don't know what this means."
"Look somebody did *this*, and i dunno who did this one either. Put a horse on my desk a few months ago, I don't know what that's about either."
how the fuck does he not even remotely suspect me
come on
at this point the fact that he doesn't seem to have even a SHRED of suspicion against me is beginning to become an insult against my honor
I went and checked his STASH to see if he still had my old printouts, but it seems he ditched them or ferreted them away somewhere else. I was gonna put back up all 3 at once next week, but all he has are his two stupid camel prints and this most recent horse print of mine...
He doesn't seem to have ever connected the previous printouts (flying camel, first horse print) with this one or with the horse toy, and he certainly hasn't connected the whole thing with his dumb hump day jokes...
he hasn't noticed this always happens on a tuesday (horseday), but he has at last recognized the connection between the horse figurine and today's assault. he still seems completely oblivious that the saddle wasn't there from the start (goddamned change blindness)
next week i'll either go subtle (bridle + reins) or full on frontal assault (bridle + reins + rider + bonus horse), maybe depending on what he does tomorrow
PERHAPS, ONE DAY, HE'LL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY,
HORSEDAY MISSION: START
THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS NEST
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS NEST
ALL UNITS BEGIN COVERT OPERATIONS IMMEDIATELY
THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!!!!!
ALL FORCES WITHDRAW AND PREPARE FOR OUR NEXT OFFENSIVE, SCHEDULED FOR 11/26
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
once again, the target has sat back down without noticing anything is awry
i'm not turning around cuz it'll give me away BUT I CAN HEAR HIM REMOVING THE MANY CLIPS I USED
HE KNOWS
HE
KNOWS
damnit he got them both, i was hoping he'd miss page 2 of two
"what's with the horses! i got horsed!!! look at this!"
"maybe it was Bob..."
"no, no, he wouldn't. and look at this! all these clips!"
"why horses?"
"i dunno! hey zoey, anyone come past my desk while i was in that meeting?"
>>"yeah that guy in the corner that was sitting in bossman's cube, but idk who that even is"
"damnit... who is doing this?? it's gotta be brian, gotta be."
"page 2 of two?"
"same person that did this, obviously. i don't get it! nice clips though."
lmfao he's laid everything out on the cube divider like a crime scene and keeps staring at it thoughtfully every few minutes like he's on the verge of cracking this case
"guess what day it is I mean it's horses I don't get it, they keep putting it up when I go in my meeting at 9 o clock..."
"wait this one too?"
"yeah this one too same thing... guess what day it is, what day is it???"
"you got an old phone or something? set it up filming?"
"yeah i got this old iPad, I've got it set up on timelapse right now just to see how long it'll keep going before it cuts out..."
"you can't use that, they'll see it sitting there, they'll know it's filming them"
"someone just keeps comin in early i guess heh heh"
"no!! no that's the thing! I've been here, it's not there in the morning but then as soon as I go into my 9 o clock meeting someone's coming around and gettin me. i keep getting horsed."
"but what's the reference? this seems like a reference?"
"i don't know!!!! guess what day it is? it's tuesday!"
guess i gotta keep my eyes open for his fuckin ipad spying on me
he seems to have realized that i'm always doing this during his 9AM tuesday meeting, but that's just been because of convenience -- he'll probly set up surveillance during that meeting going forward
THE JOKE'S ON YOU BUD
I'LL JUST DO IT DURING LUNCH
i've had a lot of long-running threads but this has got to be my favorite so far, by far,
HE HAS CONFIRMED THE TIME-LAPSE FUNCTIONALITY ON HIS IPAD
TARGET'S SURVEILLANCE CAPABILITIES: ACKNOWLEDGED
HORSEDAY OPERATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS: NEGLIGIBLE
YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD HORSE DOWN, BITCH 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
POWERING DOWN HORSEDAY.EXE TO BASELINE, ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONALITIES FOR THE NEXT 14 DAYS IN PREPARATION FOR PHASE 4
LOCKDOWN: INITIATED
LOCKDOWN EXTENDED FOR AN ADDITIONAL 7 DAYS, AS THE TARGET IS RETREATING FOR SOME SORT OF ARCANE RITUAL INVOLVING LARGE DOMESTIC BIRDS
PHASE FOUR OPERATIONAL ACTIVITIES REPLANNED FOR DECEMBER 3RD
FROM MY HQ I SURVEIL ALL SURROUNDINGS
HERE YOU CAN SEE MY SECRET: I HAVE ANGLED REFLECTIONS TO EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER'S HEAD & MONITOR
FIRST, THE HORSETARGET. EASY. THEN, BOSSMAN -- BY MOVING SIDE TO SIDE BOTH MONITORS BECOME VISIBLE (this is a reflection of a reflection).
BUT LASTLY. THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE. THE GUY BEHIND THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME. CAN YOU SEE IT? CAN YOU SEE HIS BALD HEAD? CUZ I CAN, AND IT INSTANTLY TELLS ME IF HE'S THERE OR NOT
THE MAN CATTYCORNER TO ME CAN BE SPOTTED VIA MY CLEVERLY PLACED DESK LAMP, NEVER USED
THE GUY NEXT TO HIM (quiet fellow) IS VISIBLE THROUGH THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK
AND THE LARGE FELLOW DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AISLE TO MY RIGHT CAN BE BARELY, BUT COVERTLY, SURVEILLED THROUGH THIS SLIVER OF A REFLECTION (of a reflection, maybe of another reflection). HERE YOU CAN SPOT THE ARCH OF HIS ORTHOPEDIC CHAIR, PUSHED IN, SIGNIFYING HIS ABSENCE
the man behind me is a simpler affair, as he is oblivious to anything but his work, so i simply turn around and look at him. he is usually sitting right there when i've pulled off horseday operations -- he never notices
if he doesn't FUCKIN LEAVE soon i'll have to make the switch after he fully leaves for the day, but that will mean i miss his initial reaction tomorrow morning (he gets in at like 6AM like a maniac)
HRMMMM.
🚨 OPERATIONAL SUCCESS, FOLKS 🚨
I REPEAT, OPERATIONAL SUCCESS!!!!!!!
AND NOW ALL THERE IS TO DO IS AWAIT OUR TARGET'S RETURN
OVER AND OUT COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH
he better come fucking back this is the only reason i haven't fled work as soon as my boss turned his back
THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
"no horse stuff today?"
"nope, no horse stuff today. i think either tom or you had a hand in it"
"horse stuff?"
"yeah, a couple months ago somebody put THIS on my desk"
HE PICKED IT UP AND MOVED IT HE HAS NOT REALIZED THE RIDER IS NEW WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
he's finally made the connection to his camel pictures but he's talking about it like the horse pranks stopped a few weeks ago HE LITERALLY HE PICKED IT UP HOW POWERFUL IS CHANGE BLINDNESS HOLY HELL
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW
THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL
OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY
NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THE TRIBUNAL HAS RETURNED TO THEIR TASKS
BACK TO WORK!!!
I AM GOBSMACKED
@killeveryhetero maybe it's a long con?
@gdkar this man is a fucking MASTER at his craft if so
@killeveryhetero oh my fucking god
@killeveryhetero next stage should be removing the rider.etc and seeing if they notice
@norikawa I THINK IT'S OBVIOUS AT THIS POINT THAT THEY WOULD NOT
@killeveryhetero give the rider a rainbow flag in their hand and i bet that would change instantly
@killeveryhetero I need you to know what a sheer delight this thread is to read. This is the sort of thing I'd read while sitting by a fireplace in a rocking chair, smiling quietly to myself and nodding, satisfied that my life has ended up with me in this situation. This verges on heartwarming.
@killeveryhetero Omgg dying 😂😂
@killeveryhetero AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
@killeveryhetero lmfao aaaaaaaa
@killeveryhetero this is the most yeehaw thing that has ever happened.
THE TARGET HAS NOT LEFT HIS DAMNED DESK ALL DAY
I AWAIT MY CHANCE FOR GLORY