I went and checked his STASH to see if he still had my old printouts, but it seems he ditched them or ferreted them away somewhere else. I was gonna put back up all 3 at once next week, but all he has are his two stupid camel prints and this most recent horse print of mine...
He doesn't seem to have ever connected the previous printouts (flying camel, first horse print) with this one or with the horse toy, and he certainly hasn't connected the whole thing with his dumb hump day jokes...
he hasn't noticed this always happens on a tuesday (horseday), but he has at last recognized the connection between the horse figurine and today's assault. he still seems completely oblivious that the saddle wasn't there from the start (goddamned change blindness)
next week i'll either go subtle (bridle + reins) or full on frontal assault (bridle + reins + rider + bonus horse), maybe depending on what he does tomorrow
PERHAPS, ONE DAY, HE'LL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY,
"what's with the horses! i got horsed!!! look at this!"
"maybe it was Bob..."
"no, no, he wouldn't. and look at this! all these clips!"
"i dunno! hey zoey, anyone come past my desk while i was in that meeting?"
>>"yeah that guy in the corner that was sitting in bossman's cube, but idk who that even is"
"damnit... who is doing this?? it's gotta be brian, gotta be."
"page 2 of two?"
"same person that did this, obviously. i don't get it! nice clips though."
"guess what day it is I mean it's horses I don't get it, they keep putting it up when I go in my meeting at 9 o clock..."
"wait this one too?"
"yeah this one too same thing... guess what day it is, what day is it???"
"you got an old phone or something? set it up filming?"
"yeah i got this old iPad, I've got it set up on timelapse right now just to see how long it'll keep going before it cuts out..."
"you can't use that, they'll see it sitting there, they'll know it's filming them"
"someone just keeps comin in early i guess heh heh"
"no!! no that's the thing! I've been here, it's not there in the morning but then as soon as I go into my 9 o clock meeting someone's coming around and gettin me. i keep getting horsed."
"but what's the reference? this seems like a reference?"
"i don't know!!!! guess what day it is? it's tuesday!"
guess i gotta keep my eyes open for his fuckin ipad spying on me
he seems to have realized that i'm always doing this during his 9AM tuesday meeting, but that's just been because of convenience -- he'll probly set up surveillance during that meeting going forward
THE JOKE'S ON YOU BUD
I'LL JUST DO IT DURING LUNCH
FROM MY HQ I SURVEIL ALL SURROUNDINGS
HERE YOU CAN SEE MY SECRET: I HAVE ANGLED REFLECTIONS TO EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER'S HEAD & MONITOR
FIRST, THE HORSETARGET. EASY. THEN, BOSSMAN -- BY MOVING SIDE TO SIDE BOTH MONITORS BECOME VISIBLE (this is a reflection of a reflection).
BUT LASTLY. THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE. THE GUY BEHIND THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME. CAN YOU SEE IT? CAN YOU SEE HIS BALD HEAD? CUZ I CAN, AND IT INSTANTLY TELLS ME IF HE'S THERE OR NOT
THE MAN CATTYCORNER TO ME CAN BE SPOTTED VIA MY CLEVERLY PLACED DESK LAMP, NEVER USED
THE GUY NEXT TO HIM (quiet fellow) IS VISIBLE THROUGH THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK
AND THE LARGE FELLOW DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AISLE TO MY RIGHT CAN BE BARELY, BUT COVERTLY, SURVEILLED THROUGH THIS SLIVER OF A REFLECTION (of a reflection, maybe of another reflection). HERE YOU CAN SPOT THE ARCH OF HIS ORTHOPEDIC CHAIR, PUSHED IN, SIGNIFYING HIS ABSENCE
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW
THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL
OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY
NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE
a super old lady i'm vaguely familiar with just passed me in the hall, made direct eye contact, grinned and loudly made some kind of demonic noise, "wrrhooOO!" (silent H)
what the fuck
.... unfortunately it's a weird shape cuz he cut out his horrible print job to make it look less like shit so all i accomplished was jamming the printer
after which i had to open up the whole damned printer (which is larger than my entire body) to rescue the TAINTED ARTIFACT from it's clutches, and return it to its nest.
there is a vaguely horse-shaped smudge on it, now, but overall the operation was a failure
"i didn't even notice it...."
"look at this! 7/9? 10/22? they put the saddle, and then the guy... I didn't even notice it! did you?"
"i didn't notice all that, no!"
"i know it's not you, now. huh. goddamn."
i can barely make out their words.. something about the camels, and retirement, and pension
"all I know is that horse is mine! taking it with me!"
"taking it with me!"
"that's a good retirement gift right there, it is"
"not giving them the chance! not-"
"--make the announcement, then maybe--"
"All I know is that'll maybe force the situation, working from home all the time"
"somebody knows! somebody knows!!"
i know he's planning to go on vacation for the next two weeks, but maybe he plans to work from home full-time next year until retirement ... and he thinks somebody is gonna take the horse back while he's on vacation
LITTLE DOES HE KNOW
THERE'S TWO MORE HORSES
@killeveryhetero this has to be one of the highlight stories of Mastodon. One for the history books.
@triz IF ELECTED PRESIDENT, I PROMISE TO HANG ALL COPS AND LANDLORDS AND DECLARE HORSEDAY A FEDERAL HOLIDAY,
they look nice but all the glass and especially the gaps in the glass and the halfwalls between neighborcubes means zero privacy
the uglyass old cubes at least gave you some measure of privacy to sleep on your desk in peace,
@killeveryhetero grass is greener, i guess. i have the old ones with those walls you can punch thumb tacks in but we're also highly crowded in our office so it doesnt give me much private in the end u.u
@killeveryhetero I have no fucking clue what is going on in this thread but holy shit I admire the dedication
@killeveryhetero i am incredibly amused he doesnt seem to suspect the irony poisoned lady with the bright red hair, you know, the only one that seems to have the proclivity to make something that says "page howdy of howdy" in rainbow text on it
Unstoppable shitposting engine.