I went and checked his STASH to see if he still had my old printouts, but it seems he ditched them or ferreted them away somewhere else. I was gonna put back up all 3 at once next week, but all he has are his two stupid camel prints and this most recent horse print of mine...
He doesn't seem to have ever connected the previous printouts (flying camel, first horse print) with this one or with the horse toy, and he certainly hasn't connected the whole thing with his dumb hump day jokes...
he hasn't noticed this always happens on a tuesday (horseday), but he has at last recognized the connection between the horse figurine and today's assault. he still seems completely oblivious that the saddle wasn't there from the start (goddamned change blindness)
next week i'll either go subtle (bridle + reins) or full on frontal assault (bridle + reins + rider + bonus horse), maybe depending on what he does tomorrow
PERHAPS, ONE DAY, HE'LL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY,
HORSEDAY MISSION: START
THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS NEST
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS NEST
ALL UNITS BEGIN COVERT OPERATIONS IMMEDIATELY
THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!!!!!
ALL FORCES WITHDRAW AND PREPARE FOR OUR NEXT OFFENSIVE, SCHEDULED FOR 11/26
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
once again, the target has sat back down without noticing anything is awry
i'm not turning around cuz it'll give me away BUT I CAN HEAR HIM REMOVING THE MANY CLIPS I USED
HE KNOWS
HE
KNOWS
damnit he got them both, i was hoping he'd miss page 2 of two
"what's with the horses! i got horsed!!! look at this!"
"maybe it was Bob..."
"no, no, he wouldn't. and look at this! all these clips!"
"why horses?"
"i dunno! hey zoey, anyone come past my desk while i was in that meeting?"
>>"yeah that guy in the corner that was sitting in bossman's cube, but idk who that even is"
"damnit... who is doing this?? it's gotta be brian, gotta be."
"page 2 of two?"
"same person that did this, obviously. i don't get it! nice clips though."
lmfao he's laid everything out on the cube divider like a crime scene and keeps staring at it thoughtfully every few minutes like he's on the verge of cracking this case
"guess what day it is I mean it's horses I don't get it, they keep putting it up when I go in my meeting at 9 o clock..."
"wait this one too?"
"yeah this one too same thing... guess what day it is, what day is it???"
"you got an old phone or something? set it up filming?"
"yeah i got this old iPad, I've got it set up on timelapse right now just to see how long it'll keep going before it cuts out..."
"you can't use that, they'll see it sitting there, they'll know it's filming them"
"someone just keeps comin in early i guess heh heh"
"no!! no that's the thing! I've been here, it's not there in the morning but then as soon as I go into my 9 o clock meeting someone's coming around and gettin me. i keep getting horsed."
"but what's the reference? this seems like a reference?"
"i don't know!!!! guess what day it is? it's tuesday!"
guess i gotta keep my eyes open for his fuckin ipad spying on me
he seems to have realized that i'm always doing this during his 9AM tuesday meeting, but that's just been because of convenience -- he'll probly set up surveillance during that meeting going forward
THE JOKE'S ON YOU BUD
I'LL JUST DO IT DURING LUNCH
i've had a lot of long-running threads but this has got to be my favorite so far, by far,
HE HAS CONFIRMED THE TIME-LAPSE FUNCTIONALITY ON HIS IPAD
TARGET'S SURVEILLANCE CAPABILITIES: ACKNOWLEDGED
HORSEDAY OPERATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS: NEGLIGIBLE
YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD HORSE DOWN, BITCH 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎
POWERING DOWN HORSEDAY.EXE TO BASELINE, ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONALITIES FOR THE NEXT 14 DAYS IN PREPARATION FOR PHASE 4
LOCKDOWN: INITIATED
LOCKDOWN EXTENDED FOR AN ADDITIONAL 7 DAYS, AS THE TARGET IS RETREATING FOR SOME SORT OF ARCANE RITUAL INVOLVING LARGE DOMESTIC BIRDS
PHASE FOUR OPERATIONAL ACTIVITIES REPLANNED FOR DECEMBER 3RD
THE TARGET HAS NOT LEFT HIS DAMNED DESK ALL DAY
I AWAIT MY CHANCE FOR GLORY
FROM MY HQ I SURVEIL ALL SURROUNDINGS
HERE YOU CAN SEE MY SECRET: I HAVE ANGLED REFLECTIONS TO EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER'S HEAD & MONITOR
FIRST, THE HORSETARGET. EASY. THEN, BOSSMAN -- BY MOVING SIDE TO SIDE BOTH MONITORS BECOME VISIBLE (this is a reflection of a reflection).
BUT LASTLY. THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE. THE GUY BEHIND THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME. CAN YOU SEE IT? CAN YOU SEE HIS BALD HEAD? CUZ I CAN, AND IT INSTANTLY TELLS ME IF HE'S THERE OR NOT
THE MAN CATTYCORNER TO ME CAN BE SPOTTED VIA MY CLEVERLY PLACED DESK LAMP, NEVER USED
THE GUY NEXT TO HIM (quiet fellow) IS VISIBLE THROUGH THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK
AND THE LARGE FELLOW DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AISLE TO MY RIGHT CAN BE BARELY, BUT COVERTLY, SURVEILLED THROUGH THIS SLIVER OF A REFLECTION (of a reflection, maybe of another reflection). HERE YOU CAN SPOT THE ARCH OF HIS ORTHOPEDIC CHAIR, PUSHED IN, SIGNIFYING HIS ABSENCE
the man behind me is a simpler affair, as he is oblivious to anything but his work, so i simply turn around and look at him. he is usually sitting right there when i've pulled off horseday operations -- he never notices
if he doesn't FUCKIN LEAVE soon i'll have to make the switch after he fully leaves for the day, but that will mean i miss his initial reaction tomorrow morning (he gets in at like 6AM like a maniac)
HRMMMM.
🚨 OPERATIONAL SUCCESS, FOLKS 🚨
I REPEAT, OPERATIONAL SUCCESS!!!!!!!
AND NOW ALL THERE IS TO DO IS AWAIT OUR TARGET'S RETURN
OVER AND OUT COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH
he better come fucking back this is the only reason i haven't fled work as soon as my boss turned his back
THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
"no horse stuff today?"
"nope, no horse stuff today. i think either tom or you had a hand in it"
"horse stuff?"
"yeah, a couple months ago somebody put THIS on my desk"
HE PICKED IT UP AND MOVED IT HE HAS NOT REALIZED THE RIDER IS NEW WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL
he's finally made the connection to his camel pictures but he's talking about it like the horse pranks stopped a few weeks ago HE LITERALLY HE PICKED IT UP HOW POWERFUL IS CHANGE BLINDNESS HOLY HELL
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW
THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL
OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY
NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THE TRIBUNAL HAS RETURNED TO THEIR TASKS
BACK TO WORK!!!
I AM GOBSMACKED
THE TARGET HAS NOT ATTENDED HIS REGULAR 9:00 MEETING
OPERATIONS WILL NEED TO BE ALTERED ACCORDINGLY
STAND BY FOR GLORY, COMRADES
WE'LL SEE THIS MISSION THROUGH TO VICTORY, NO MATTER THE HARDSHIPS
let's use this break to briefly, unrelatedly, ponder what in the fresh hell is going on over in THIS corner of the office today,
just want to let y'all know that today's payload is an absolute masterpiece that i stayed up in bed working on on my phone for an hour and a half after when i was supposed to go to sleep last night
AND I WON'T SPOIL ITS GLORY BY POSTING IT EARLY
YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN MY STRIKE IS SUCCESSFUL
a super old lady i'm vaguely familiar with just passed me in the hall, made direct eye contact, grinned and loudly made some kind of demonic noise, "wrrhooOO!" (silent H)
what the fuck
)so yesterday i tried to print this horse on the top corner of his camel print-out
i snuck over to his stash, carefully extracted the TAINTED ARTIFACT, and loaded it into the printer to be printed upon
.... unfortunately it's a weird shape cuz he cut out his horrible print job to make it look less like shit so all i accomplished was jamming the printer
after which i had to open up the whole damned printer (which is larger than my entire body) to rescue the TAINTED ARTIFACT from it's clutches, and return it to its nest.
there is a vaguely horse-shaped smudge on it, now, but overall the operation was a failure
LEAVE YOUR DESK YOU SHITTER
STOP SKIPPING MEETINGS
🚨 THE TARGET IS DISCUSSING LUNCH PLANS 🚨
HE IS STRONGLY CONSIDERING JIMMY JOHNS
MY DISGUST, AND CONTEMPT, SURGE EVER HIGHER
🚨 OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨
🚨 I REPEAT, ALL UNITS REPORTING OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨
WE NOW AWAIT THE TARGET'S RETURN
OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH
ONE OF THE TARGET'S MAIN SUSPECTS, WHO NORMALLY WORKS FROM A DIFFERENT OFFICE, STOPPED BY FOR A VISIT
I COULDN'T HAVE PLANNED THIS BETTER
he's gonna be absolutely convinced this guy is responsible when he hears he was here from his cube neighbor
🐎
🐎🐎🐎🐎
THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED
YEEEEEEHAW
as if to prove the message on the payload as correct as possible, he hasn't fucking noticed it
I WILL NOT ABANDON MY POST UNTIL I WITNESS HIS REACTION TO TODAY'S OPERATION
I WILL STARVE IN THIS CHAIR BEFORE I MISS THIS MOMENT, THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW TO YOU ALL,
i casually let him know he's "been horsed again".
"i got horsed??! damn! how long's that been there!"
he hasn't gotten up to look at it yet, perhaps awaiting his cube neighbor's return
"HEY TOM. I GOT HORSED AGAIN."
"you got horsed??"
"yeah"
"CARLOS."
"you think?"
"it HAD to be"
"i think it's ZOEY. only common denominator."
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HE HAS PICKED UP THE SHEET
HE IS STUDYING IT
HE IS WRITING ON THE SHEET WITH A LARGE RED MARKER?????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
IS HE DOING ALGEBRA TO PROVE MY GUILT????
HE HAS PUT ASIDE ALL WORK TO PONDER THE PAGE
HE IS ROTATING BACK AND FORTH IN HIS CHAIR, SHEET IN ONE HAND, MARKER IN THE OTHER, DEEP IN CONTEMPLATION
"i didn't even notice it...."
"?"
"look at this! 7/9? 10/22? they put the saddle, and then the guy... I didn't even notice it! did you?"
"i didn't notice all that, no!"
"i know it's not you, now. huh. goddamn."
i can barely make out their words.. something about the camels, and retirement, and pension
"no fun!"
"...."
"all I know is that horse is mine! taking it with me!"
"-inaudible-"
"taking it with me!"
"that's a good retirement gift right there, it is"
"not giving them the chance! not-"
"yeah, that'll-"
"-inaudible-"
"--make the announcement, then maybe--"
"All I know is that'll maybe force the situation, working from home all the time"
"somebody knows! somebody knows!!"
i know he's planning to go on vacation for the next two weeks, but maybe he plans to work from home full-time next year until retirement ... and he thinks somebody is gonna take the horse back while he's on vacation
LITTLE DOES HE KNOW
THERE'S TWO MORE HORSES
AWAITING
@killeveryhetero this has to be one of the highlight stories of Mastodon. One for the history books.
@killeveryhetero PAGE HIWDY OF HOQDYF DKSKAJSHRHFHCF
Ⓐ ☭
@killeveryhetero damn, i forgot how long this has been going on for
@killeveryhetero i love horse day
@triz IF ELECTED PRESIDENT, I PROMISE TO HANG ALL COPS AND LANDLORDS AND DECLARE HORSEDAY A FEDERAL HOLIDAY,
@killeveryhetero ok but you have nice cubicles im jealous
@bruja eh
they look nice but all the glass and especially the gaps in the glass and the halfwalls between neighborcubes means zero privacy
the uglyass old cubes at least gave you some measure of privacy to sleep on your desk in peace,
@killeveryhetero grass is greener, i guess. i have the old ones with those walls you can punch thumb tacks in but we're also highly crowded in our office so it doesnt give me much private in the end u.u
@killeveryhetero I have no fucking clue what is going on in this thread but holy shit I admire the dedication
@killeveryhetero i am incredibly amused he doesnt seem to suspect the irony poisoned lady with the bright red hair, you know, the only one that seems to have the proclivity to make something that says "page howdy of howdy" in rainbow text on it
@killeveryhetero the jig is up! 👮♀️ 🚔
@killeveryhetero oh my good
@killeveryhetero page howdy of howdy is making me cry 😂😂
@killeveryhetero "page howdy of howdy" im ded 🤣
maybe she was trying to say howareYOUUUU but her mouth was full of sand