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guess i gotta keep my eyes open for his fuckin ipad spying on me

he seems to have realized that i'm always doing this during his 9AM tuesday meeting, but that's just been because of convenience -- he'll probly set up surveillance during that meeting going forward

THE JOKE'S ON YOU BUD

I'LL JUST DO IT DURING LUNCH

i've had a lot of long-running threads but this has got to be my favorite so far, by far,

HE HAS CONFIRMED THE TIME-LAPSE FUNCTIONALITY ON HIS IPAD

TARGET'S SURVEILLANCE CAPABILITIES: ACKNOWLEDGED

HORSEDAY OPERATIONAL SECURITY CONCERNS: NEGLIGIBLE

YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD HORSE DOWN, BITCH ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ

POWERING DOWN HORSEDAY.EXE TO BASELINE, ESSENTIAL FUNCTIONALITIES FOR THE NEXT 14 DAYS IN PREPARATION FOR PHASE 4

LOCKDOWN: INITIATED

LOCKDOWN EXTENDED FOR AN ADDITIONAL 7 DAYS, AS THE TARGET IS RETREATING FOR SOME SORT OF ARCANE RITUAL INVOLVING LARGE DOMESTIC BIRDS

PHASE FOUR OPERATIONAL ACTIVITIES REPLANNED FOR DECEMBER 3RD

THE TARGET HAS NOT LEFT HIS DAMNED DESK ALL DAY

I AWAIT MY CHANCE FOR GLORY

FROM MY HQ I SURVEIL ALL SURROUNDINGS

HERE YOU CAN SEE MY SECRET: I HAVE ANGLED REFLECTIONS TO EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER'S HEAD & MONITOR

FIRST, THE HORSETARGET. EASY. THEN, BOSSMAN -- BY MOVING SIDE TO SIDE BOTH MONITORS BECOME VISIBLE (this is a reflection of a reflection).

BUT LASTLY. THE PIรˆCE DE Rร‰SISTANCE. THE GUY BEHIND THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME. CAN YOU SEE IT? CAN YOU SEE HIS BALD HEAD? CUZ I CAN, AND IT INSTANTLY TELLS ME IF HE'S THERE OR NOT

THE MAN CATTYCORNER TO ME CAN BE SPOTTED VIA MY CLEVERLY PLACED DESK LAMP, NEVER USED

THE GUY NEXT TO HIM (quiet fellow) IS VISIBLE THROUGH THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK

AND THE LARGE FELLOW DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AISLE TO MY RIGHT CAN BE BARELY, BUT COVERTLY, SURVEILLED THROUGH THIS SLIVER OF A REFLECTION (of a reflection, maybe of another reflection). HERE YOU CAN SPOT THE ARCH OF HIS ORTHOPEDIC CHAIR, PUSHED IN, SIGNIFYING HIS ABSENCE

the man behind me is a simpler affair, as he is oblivious to anything but his work, so i simply turn around and look at him. he is usually sitting right there when i've pulled off horseday operations -- he never notices

if he doesn't FUCKIN LEAVE soon i'll have to make the switch after he fully leaves for the day, but that will mean i miss his initial reaction tomorrow morning (he gets in at like 6AM like a maniac)

HRMMMM.

๐Ÿšจ OPERATIONAL SUCCESS, FOLKS ๐Ÿšจ

I REPEAT, OPERATIONAL SUCCESS!!!!!!!

AND NOW ALL THERE IS TO DO IS AWAIT OUR TARGET'S RETURN

OVER AND OUT COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH

he better come fucking back this is the only reason i haven't fled work as soon as my boss turned his back

THE TARGET HAS RETURNED

I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED

"no horse stuff today?"

"nope, no horse stuff today. i think either tom or you had a hand in it"

"horse stuff?"

"yeah, a couple months ago somebody put THIS on my desk"

HE PICKED IT UP AND MOVED IT HE HAS NOT REALIZED THE RIDER IS NEW WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

he's finally made the connection to his camel pictures but he's talking about it like the horse pranks stopped a few weeks ago HE LITERALLY HE PICKED IT UP HOW POWERFUL IS CHANGE BLINDNESS HOLY HELL

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW

THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL

OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY

NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THE TRIBUNAL HAS RETURNED TO THEIR TASKS

BACK TO WORK!!!

I AM GOBSMACKED

THE TARGET HAS NOT ATTENDED HIS REGULAR 9:00 MEETING

OPERATIONS WILL NEED TO BE ALTERED ACCORDINGLY

STAND BY FOR GLORY, COMRADES

WE'LL SEE THIS MISSION THROUGH TO VICTORY, NO MATTER THE HARDSHIPS

let's use this break to briefly, unrelatedly, ponder what in the fresh hell is going on over in THIS corner of the office today,

just want to let y'all know that today's payload is an absolute masterpiece that i stayed up in bed working on on my phone for an hour and a half after when i was supposed to go to sleep last night

AND I WON'T SPOIL ITS GLORY BY POSTING IT EARLY

YOU'LL SEE IT WHEN MY STRIKE IS SUCCESSFUL

a super old lady i'm vaguely familiar with just passed me in the hall, made direct eye contact, grinned and loudly made some kind of demonic noise, "wrrhooOO!" (silent H)

what the fuck

maybe she was trying to say howareYOUUUU but her mouth was full of sand

so yesterday i tried to print this horse on the top corner of his camel print-out

i snuck over to his stash, carefully extracted the TAINTED ARTIFACT, and loaded it into the printer to be printed upon

.... unfortunately it's a weird shape cuz he cut out his horrible print job to make it look less like shit so all i accomplished was jamming the printer

after which i had to open up the whole damned printer (which is larger than my entire body) to rescue the TAINTED ARTIFACT from it's clutches, and return it to its nest.

there is a vaguely horse-shaped smudge on it, now, but overall the operation was a failure

:pensive_cowboy:

๐Ÿšจ THE TARGET IS DISCUSSING LUNCH PLANS ๐Ÿšจ

HE IS STRONGLY CONSIDERING JIMMY JOHNS

MY DISGUST, AND CONTEMPT, SURGE EVER HIGHER

๐Ÿšจ I REPEAT, ALL UNITS REPORTING OPERATIONAL SUCCESS ๐Ÿšจ

WE NOW AWAIT THE TARGET'S RETURN

OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH

ONE OF THE TARGET'S MAIN SUSPECTS, WHO NORMALLY WORKS FROM A DIFFERENT OFFICE, STOPPED BY FOR A VISIT

I COULDN'T HAVE PLANNED THIS BETTER

he's gonna be absolutely convinced this guy is responsible when he hears he was here from his cube neighbor

๐ŸŽ:jhorse:๐ŸŽ:jhorse:๐ŸŽ:jhorse:๐ŸŽ:jhorse:๐ŸŽ

THE TARGET HAS RETURNED

I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS RETURNED

YEEEEEEHAW

as if to prove the message on the payload as correct as possible, he hasn't fucking noticed it

I WILL NOT ABANDON MY POST UNTIL I WITNESS HIS REACTION TO TODAY'S OPERATION

I WILL STARVE IN THIS CHAIR BEFORE I MISS THIS MOMENT, THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW TO YOU ALL,

i casually let him know he's "been horsed again".

"i got horsed??! damn! how long's that been there!"

he hasn't gotten up to look at it yet, perhaps awaiting his cube neighbor's return

Follow

"HEY TOM. I GOT HORSED AGAIN."

"you got horsed??"

"yeah"

"CARLOS."

"you think?"

"it HAD to be"

"i think it's ZOEY. only common denominator."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ยท 2 ยท 5 ยท 25

HE IS WRITING ON THE SHEET WITH A LARGE RED MARKER?????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

IS HE DOING ALGEBRA TO PROVE MY GUILT????

HE HAS PUT ASIDE ALL WORK TO PONDER THE PAGE

HE IS ROTATING BACK AND FORTH IN HIS CHAIR, SHEET IN ONE HAND, MARKER IN THE OTHER, DEEP IN CONTEMPLATION

"i didn't even notice it...."

"?"

"look at this! 7/9? 10/22? they put the saddle, and then the guy... I didn't even notice it! did you?"

"i didn't notice all that, no!"

"i know it's not you, now. huh. goddamn."

i can barely make out their words.. something about the camels, and retirement, and pension

"no fun!"

"...."

"all I know is that horse is mine! taking it with me!"

"-inaudible-"

"taking it with me!"

"that's a good retirement gift right there, it is"

"not giving them the chance! not-"

"yeah, that'll-"

"-inaudible-"

"--make the announcement, then maybe--"

"All I know is that'll maybe force the situation, working from home all the time"

"somebody knows! somebody knows!!"

i know he's planning to go on vacation for the next two weeks, but maybe he plans to work from home full-time next year until retirement ... and he thinks somebody is gonna take the horse back while he's on vacation

LITTLE DOES HE KNOW

THERE'S TWO MORE HORSES

AWAITING

"who was standing by my cube today?"

"nobody!"

me: "carlos came by"

"CARLOS CAME BY???"

"Carlos came by! He was here!"

"IT'S CARLOS. ITS GOTTA BE."

"WE GOT THE SUSPECT"

"so look, here's today's horse. so the thing is, i got the plain horse in july.... but then..."

"HE'S BEEN DOING THIS THE WHOLE TIME!??"

"YEP. YEP."

"you know, i THOUGHT that looked different... i didn't remember the little guy on there..."

"i THOUGHT it was Tom, but he was at lunch WITH me today, and i got horsed!"

"it's CARLOS. he's always in town on wednesdays for that meeting..."

"this is every TUESDAY though"

"is it? i thought it was wednesday"

"nope! nope! every tuesday. it's like a... pre-humpday."

"maybe he's in early for that meeting?"

"I dunno, I dunno. Now we gotta go back and check if Carlos was in town on these months..."

"i'm telling you, we got him. we got him. the suspect has been caught."

it is all i can do to face away from them and hide my laughter right now oh my god

focusing on transcribing their S-tier detective work is the only thing keeping me from cackling like an insane banshee

i think he only accused me earlier to see if I'd crack and give away the game

BUT MY PROFESSIONALISM IS BEYOND REPROACH, GOOD SIR

I TAKE GREAT PRIDE IN THIS, THE ONLY WORK I PUT ANY EFFORT INTO,

"CARLOS. ____. he was here last tuesday, he was here today. Horse."

"it's him!"

"did you notice the horse changes???"

"oh my god"

"no saddle. not even the saddle!"

"this note shows up."

"have you perchance checked the date recently! i'm not following"

"guess what DAY it is"

"and then HE shows up (rider?)"

"7/19 the horse, 10/22.... So the person who was doing this took the time to take pictures historically...

"CARLOS."

"that horse is mine! it's coming down to my house after i retire"

"i SWORE it was Troy, lying to me, but NAH, it's CARLOS."

......

......

"now CARLOS is saying it's YOU."

"he's lying. he's lying. where would i get a horse from??"

"hell yeah he's lying. it's fuckin him -laughing-"

"Carlos is going to the iron throne!!! (???)"

"he's so full of shit. we got him. we got him."

THE TRIBUNAL IS IN FULL SWING

"well Carlos says it ain't him. so SOMEbody's LYIN."

"he was here last tuesday, he was here today! Tom was at lunch with you... it sure as hell ain't me. it's carlos!"

"he's mad about getting pranked all the time and this is his attempt at retribution"

"i still can't believe the saddle wasn't there...."

๐Ÿšจ THE TRIBUNAL HAS DISCOVERED THE EXISTENCE OF SANDWICHES IN THE BREAK ROOM ๐Ÿšจ

THEY ARE SOON TO DEPART, ON A MISSION TO, "CHECK OUT THE GOODS"

NOW IS MY CHANCE TO FIND WHAT HE WAS WRITING WITH THAT MARKER

they haven't left yet

"...yeah, see, this one came with a message that 'i ain't all that observant', pictures of all the horsings"

"yeeeehaw, pardner..."

"the whole damned time. the whole damned time."

"i can't believe he's pulled this off so far"

"WE GOT HIM NOW, WE GOT HIM NOW"

"of course it was Carlos the whole time, of course it was"

THE FIRST ONE HAS PEELED AWAY TOWARDS THE SANDWICHES

IS IT TIME???

LOCKED AND LOADED FOR WHEN HE RETURNS IN JANUARY

LOCKED ๐ŸŽ

AND ๐ŸŽ

LOADED ๐ŸŽ

our team's holiday lunch is tomorrow

Carlos previously declined the meeting

BUT, I JUST CHECKED, AND HE'S SINCE REVERSED AND ACCEPTED IT

WE'RE IN FOR A BUMPY ROAD TOMORROW FOLKS

I MIGHT GET RUMBLED

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@killeveryhetero imo reply to this with like. โ€œhorse bucksโ€

@robin i might glue a dollar onto a sheet of paper and feed it into the printer, print a horse on it

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@killeveryhetero It still sounds like they haven't *quite* made the connection to the camel and hump day yet. Like they got close but it still hasn't clicked.

@killeveryhetero This thread is absolutely wonderful! Best office hijinks ever, especially since you have everything so lined up to keep an eye on everyone!

Mission Impossible: Horse Day

@killeveryhetero im fucking dying over here holy shit how can you keep your fucking composure aaaaaaa

@killeveryhetero the jig is up! ๐Ÿ‘ฎโ€โ™€๏ธ ๐Ÿš”

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jorts.horse

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