FROM MY HQ I SURVEIL ALL SURROUNDINGS
HERE YOU CAN SEE MY SECRET: I HAVE ANGLED REFLECTIONS TO EVERY SINGLE CO-WORKER'S HEAD & MONITOR
FIRST, THE HORSETARGET. EASY. THEN, BOSSMAN -- BY MOVING SIDE TO SIDE BOTH MONITORS BECOME VISIBLE (this is a reflection of a reflection).
BUT LASTLY. THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE. THE GUY BEHIND THE WALL IN FRONT OF ME. CAN YOU SEE IT? CAN YOU SEE HIS BALD HEAD? CUZ I CAN, AND IT INSTANTLY TELLS ME IF HE'S THERE OR NOT
THE MAN CATTYCORNER TO ME CAN BE SPOTTED VIA MY CLEVERLY PLACED DESK LAMP, NEVER USED
THE GUY NEXT TO HIM (quiet fellow) IS VISIBLE THROUGH THIS CONVENIENTLY PLACED CRACK
AND THE LARGE FELLOW DIRECTLY ACROSS THE AISLE TO MY RIGHT CAN BE BARELY, BUT COVERTLY, SURVEILLED THROUGH THIS SLIVER OF A REFLECTION (of a reflection, maybe of another reflection). HERE YOU CAN SPOT THE ARCH OF HIS ORTHOPEDIC CHAIR, PUSHED IN, SIGNIFYING HIS ABSENCE
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?????????? HE'S JUST. CASUALLY TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL NOW
THE THREE OF THEM STAND AROUND HIS DESK, LIKE A TRIBUNAL
OUR STEADFAST RIDER SITS BETWEEN THEM, PLAIN AS DAY
NONE OF THEM ARE AWARE THAT THIS HORSE DIDN'T ORIGINALLY HAVE A RIDER ON IT, OR REINS, OR A BRIDLE, OR A SADDLE
.... unfortunately it's a weird shape cuz he cut out his horrible print job to make it look less like shit so all i accomplished was jamming the printer
after which i had to open up the whole damned printer (which is larger than my entire body) to rescue the TAINTED ARTIFACT from it's clutches, and return it to its nest.
there is a vaguely horse-shaped smudge on it, now, but overall the operation was a failure
HE HAS PUT ASIDE ALL WORK TO PONDER THE PAGE
HE IS ROTATING BACK AND FORTH IN HIS CHAIR, SHEET IN ONE HAND, MARKER IN THE OTHER, DEEP IN CONTEMPLATION
"i didn't even notice it...."
"look at this! 7/9? 10/22? they put the saddle, and then the guy... I didn't even notice it! did you?"
"i didn't notice all that, no!"
"i know it's not you, now. huh. goddamn."
i can barely make out their words.. something about the camels, and retirement, and pension
"all I know is that horse is mine! taking it with me!"
"taking it with me!"
"that's a good retirement gift right there, it is"
"not giving them the chance! not-"
"--make the announcement, then maybe--"
"All I know is that'll maybe force the situation, working from home all the time"
"somebody knows! somebody knows!!"
i know he's planning to go on vacation for the next two weeks, but maybe he plans to work from home full-time next year until retirement ... and he thinks somebody is gonna take the horse back while he's on vacation
LITTLE DOES HE KNOW
THERE'S TWO MORE HORSES
"who was standing by my cube today?"
me: "carlos came by"
"CARLOS CAME BY???"
"Carlos came by! He was here!"
"IT'S CARLOS. ITS GOTTA BE."
"WE GOT THE SUSPECT"
"so look, here's today's horse. so the thing is, i got the plain horse in july.... but then..."
"HE'S BEEN DOING THIS THE WHOLE TIME!??"
"you know, i THOUGHT that looked different... i didn't remember the little guy on there..."
"i THOUGHT it was Tom, but he was at lunch WITH me today, and i got horsed!"
"it's CARLOS. he's always in town on wednesdays for that meeting..."
"this is every TUESDAY though"
"is it? i thought it was wednesday"
"nope! nope! every tuesday. it's like a... pre-humpday."
"maybe he's in early for that meeting?"
"I dunno, I dunno. Now we gotta go back and check if Carlos was in town on these months..."
"i'm telling you, we got him. we got him. the suspect has been caught."
"CARLOS. ____. he was here last tuesday, he was here today. Horse."
"did you notice the horse changes???"
"oh my god"
"no saddle. not even the saddle!"
"this note shows up."
"have you perchance checked the date recently! i'm not following"
"guess what DAY it is"
"and then HE shows up (rider?)"
"7/19 the horse, 10/22.... So the person who was doing this took the time to take pictures historically...
"that horse is mine! it's coming down to my house after i retire"
"i SWORE it was Troy, lying to me, but NAH, it's CARLOS."
"now CARLOS is saying it's YOU."
"he's lying. he's lying. where would i get a horse from??"
"hell yeah he's lying. it's fuckin him -laughing-"
"Carlos is going to the iron throne!!! (???)"
"he's so full of shit. we got him. we got him."
THE TRIBUNAL IS IN FULL SWING
"well Carlos says it ain't him. so SOMEbody's LYIN."
"he was here last tuesday, he was here today! Tom was at lunch with you... it sure as hell ain't me. it's carlos!"
"he's mad about getting pranked all the time and this is his attempt at retribution"
"i still can't believe the saddle wasn't there...."
they haven't left yet
"...yeah, see, this one came with a message that 'i ain't all that observant', pictures of all the horsings"
"the whole damned time. the whole damned time."
"i can't believe he's pulled this off so far"
"WE GOT HIM NOW, WE GOT HIM NOW"
"of course it was Carlos the whole time, of course it was"
THE FIRST ONE HAS PEELED AWAY TOWARDS THE SANDWICHES
IS IT TIME???
"okay so back in July, this horse is sitting here. Without the girl or the saddle. No explanation."
"and then on Wednesdays, I put up these signs... Humpday."
"and then THESE started showing up. have you perchance checked the DATE. guess what day it is. perhaps you missed it. and then THIS ONE shows up."
"yeehaw partner, guess ya ain't all that observant. they took the TIME to take pictures every time..."
"oh my god"
"i REALLY thought it was Tom. But it ain't."
"Yeah that smells like Tom"
"he was at lunch with me!"
"he's got an accomplice. hey Tom, you got an accomplice?"
"they talking shit about you back here Tom!"
"Carlos is still denying it??"
"yeah he's blaming it on ME."
"he's blaming it on Steve"
"still denying it. Just remember y'all, one day you're gonna get CAUGHT."
"well i ain't have to worry about that"
"what's gonna happen when you go on vacation? they gotta do something big"
"Tom's gonna send a real horse to your fuckin house"
"you needa set up a camera to record them"
"I did!! I did!! I've got my tablet set up with a timelapse to watch! but i didn't put it up today! i didn't put it up today and i got HORSED."
"doesn't matter. we know it's carlos. just a matter of time now."
"i'm TAKING this horse home with me. he ain't gettin this thing back. nuh uh. no way. it's MINE now."
"it's a pretty nice horse actually yeah"
"wait, is the rider a girl?"
"oh damn i never even noticed that..."
@robin i might glue a dollar onto a sheet of paper and feed it into the printer, print a horse on it
@killeveryhetero It still sounds like they haven't *quite* made the connection to the camel and hump day yet. Like they got close but it still hasn't clicked.
@killeveryhetero im fucking dying over here holy shit how can you keep your fucking composure aaaaaaa
Unstoppable shitposting engine.