"CARLOS. ____. he was here last tuesday, he was here today. Horse."
"did you notice the horse changes???"
"oh my god"
"no saddle. not even the saddle!"
"this note shows up."
"have you perchance checked the date recently! i'm not following"
"guess what DAY it is"
"and then HE shows up (rider?)"
"7/19 the horse, 10/22.... So the person who was doing this took the time to take pictures historically...
"that horse is mine! it's coming down to my house after i retire"
"i SWORE it was Troy, lying to me, but NAH, it's CARLOS."
"now CARLOS is saying it's YOU."
"he's lying. he's lying. where would i get a horse from??"
"hell yeah he's lying. it's fuckin him -laughing-"
"Carlos is going to the iron throne!!! (???)"
"he's so full of shit. we got him. we got him."
THE TRIBUNAL IS IN FULL SWING
"well Carlos says it ain't him. so SOMEbody's LYIN."
"he was here last tuesday, he was here today! Tom was at lunch with you... it sure as hell ain't me. it's carlos!"
"he's mad about getting pranked all the time and this is his attempt at retribution"
"i still can't believe the saddle wasn't there...."
they haven't left yet
"...yeah, see, this one came with a message that 'i ain't all that observant', pictures of all the horsings"
"the whole damned time. the whole damned time."
"i can't believe he's pulled this off so far"
"WE GOT HIM NOW, WE GOT HIM NOW"
"of course it was Carlos the whole time, of course it was"
THE FIRST ONE HAS PEELED AWAY TOWARDS THE SANDWICHES
IS IT TIME???
"okay so back in July, this horse is sitting here. Without the girl or the saddle. No explanation."
"and then on Wednesdays, I put up these signs... Humpday."
"and then THESE started showing up. have you perchance checked the DATE. guess what day it is. perhaps you missed it. and then THIS ONE shows up."
"yeehaw partner, guess ya ain't all that observant. they took the TIME to take pictures every time..."
"oh my god"
"i REALLY thought it was Tom. But it ain't."
"Yeah that smells like Tom"
"he was at lunch with me!"
"he's got an accomplice. hey Tom, you got an accomplice?"
"they talking shit about you back here Tom!"
"Carlos is still denying it??"
"yeah he's blaming it on ME."
"he's blaming it on Steve"
"still denying it. Just remember y'all, one day you're gonna get CAUGHT."
"well i ain't have to worry about that"
"what's gonna happen when you go on vacation? they gotta do something big"
"Tom's gonna send a real horse to your fuckin house"
"you needa set up a camera to record them"
"I did!! I did!! I've got my tablet set up with a timelapse to watch! but i didn't put it up today! i didn't put it up today and i got HORSED."
"doesn't matter. we know it's carlos. just a matter of time now."
"i'm TAKING this horse home with me. he ain't gettin this thing back. nuh uh. no way. it's MINE now."
"it's a pretty nice horse actually yeah"
"wait, is the rider a girl?"
"oh damn i never even noticed that..."
"Yep! Says it's Steve."
"he's in town all week, huh, cause he's going to lunch with us!"
"we'll break him down tomorrow. we'll get it out of him"
"tell him we dusted the hoofprints. tell him he left the EVIDENCE behind. he'll fall for it."
AAAAAAAAAAAA TOMORROW IS GONNA BE ROUGH I KNEW IT
i think next time i'll have to stay late on a monday, and leave the payload there after everyone else goes home -- he's never here on mondays, only one of them is
i'll miss the initial reaction but i'll get him discussing it with the others all day once i'm here
plenty of time to plan it out, at any rate
THE NEXT HORSEDAY OPERATION WON'T BE TIL JANUARY 7TH, DUE TO HOLIDAY INTERFERENCE
MARK YOUR CALENDARS, FOLKS
HAPPY FUCKIN HORSEDAY Y'ALL
OVER AND OUT, HOOOOOO RAH
jokes about Carlos doodling horses in his notebook are common, and expected, but i don't think anyone seriously suspects him at this point (they probably grilled him yesterday morning)
we all know where he lives, so he says he's expecting a severed horse head on his doorstop while he's on vacation
"you got any horse stuff?"
me: "probably not, eh? no one's been here for three weeks"
"yep. yep. remember my note? 'leave cash next time'? they left THIS."
"...where do you even get stuff like that?"
"i have no idea. no clue."
"and they bought me a $20 book too! somebody's willing to spend MONEY on this prank."
"the perfect horse..." (he snorts loudly)
me: "is that a note?"
"handwriting. that's evidence!"
me: "you gotta compare that to people's handwriting around here"
"looks like a lady's handwriting to me... dudes don't write like that. look at the a's. right zoey?"
me: "yeah, looks like it. don't recognize it though"
"yeah exactly, no one writes shit these days, it's all electronic. this doesn't help"
"i bet it's Donna."
(skeptical, pointing) "Donna???"
"no, not that Donna, prankster Donna."
"hmmmm. yeah, maybe. i dunno when she's even been up here though."
"i still say it's Carlos."
i had Lux write the note (@dubsteppenwolf) and she intentionally wrote differently and carefully, he'll never find someone to compare it to cuz it's written by someone he's never met
"well *I* think it's Brent."
"it couldn't be! here, look at this handwriting. you think *that's* from *Brent*???"
"why didn't i get horsed yesterday? i swear they know when i have the camera up and they don't come anywhere near here. they know."
"but how could they know?"
"cuz one of YOU are an ACCOMPLICE."
laughter all around
THE TARGET IS EATING A SNACK IN THE KITCHEN
THE TIME HAS COME TO STRIKE
this is when they had formed The Tribunal and these donkeys immediately ruled me out because "WELL THE HAIR'S NOT RED, SO IT CAN'T HAVE COME FROM ZOEY" because they have zero idea how hair works (to be fair, most of them don't have much hair left i guess)
they instead starting teasing the target "EY YOU BEEN HAVIN GIRLS COMING OVER TO YOUR CUBE BUD?"
i sat over here in disbelief the entire time
anyway how they came to the conclusion that 100% of my hair is dyed red when i very obviously and very intentionally did a black and red thing, and was sitting RIGHT HERE IN EYESIGHT WITH PLENTY OF BLACK HAIR, continues to be beyond me
they've never brought it up again
they all immediately wrote it off and forgot
OKAY WHO IS TEXTING HIM, WHO IS HE TEXTING, WHAT ARE THEY PLOTTING, WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?????? THE TEXTS STILL HAVE NOT STOPPED
IS HE IN A HORSE DETECTIVE GROUP CHAT??????????
OKAY GANG WE'RE SAFE
he just called me over to show me the candle
he has no idea that it was only there for like 47 seconds before he found it, he rarely pays attention to that shelf but went for a salt shaker to put on some eggs and went "AH SON OF A BITCH" when he immediately noticed the lurking horse
he doesn't know whether it showed up last week or today
me: "where the hell do you even get a horsehead candle???"
"I DUNNO, I DUNNO. -laughing- look at this damned thing"
i think he noticed it while i was in the bathroom
he's convinced that this was the work of "Donna", who apparently came by earlier
i made sure to run a horseday operation today because Carlos (his former prime suspect) and Brent (his other prime suspect) had both been in town and around the office yesterday... but i think i inadvertently cleared Carlos, as he's working across town today. woop
it was gonna be one page per week and the escalations were gonna be super gradual but i'm going on vacation in 2 weeks and my dad refused to be my accomplice for an AIRTIGHT ALIBI of horse sightings occurring while i'm on the other end of the country
once per month is the only non-suspicious plot i can go with
I REPEAT, TARGET SPOTTED
#OPERATIONHORSEDAY IS BACK IN ACTION, FOLKS
PLEASE STAND BY
no one is discussing the horse incident
i dunno if i just missed the discussion or if he quietly put it away, the only thing they're hollering about is the Boomer Flu
i am disappoint
it's fine, it's fine -- i've spent the time making a rough draft of the next page, feel free to spoiler yourself by taking a look, or leave the media hidden so things are still fresh when it happens!!
there's no fucking way THIS one won't trigger at least a heated debate though
@killeveryhetero GET INTO THE HORSE DETECTIVE GROUP CHAT
but it's extremely way funnier if this is an unrelated group chat, HORSE DETECTIVE GROUP CHAT
i definitely seem to be at least on the suspicionless periphery of his inner circle, it's not impossible that i could manipulate my way into it if it exists
you should plant one of lux's hairs on the next round
whatever bizarre color she's rocking right now will blow their minds since it matches with the weird font she used for the note in that it doesn't match anything known to them
@killeveryhetero it's gonna escalate to the point where you're gonna need like a pinup horse calendar soon
@wobin fuck there's no way this doesn't already exist
i could pin it to his cube wall behind his monitors
@killeveryhetero UGH the airtight accomplice thing wouldve been so GOOD
we need to get you a streaming camera that blurs faces
@killeveryhetero is American flag belt co-worker still not working from home?
@killeveryhetero Is this about you?
@killeveryhetero I miss horseday too. made me lmao every time
the very last one should be that idiot horse face but replacing atrax sinking into the swamp of sadness in the neverending story
OH SHIT TELL ME THIS TOY IS REAL
the 2019 louisiana donkey tribunal has weirdly calming ring to it
@killeveryhetero We continue to enjoy this thread about office horseplay. 😂
@killeveryhetero Clearly your company's best people
@andi sadly, yes
Unstoppable shitposting engine.