"you got any horse stuff?"
me: "probably not, eh? no one's been here for three weeks"
"yep. yep. remember my note? 'leave cash next time'? they left THIS."
"...where do you even get stuff like that?"
"i have no idea. no clue."
"and they bought me a $20 book too! somebody's willing to spend MONEY on this prank."
"the perfect horse..." (he snorts loudly)
me: "is that a note?"
"handwriting. that's evidence!"
me: "you gotta compare that to people's handwriting around here"
"looks like a lady's handwriting to me... dudes don't write like that. look at the a's. right zoey?"
me: "yeah, looks like it. don't recognize it though"
"yeah exactly, no one writes shit these days, it's all electronic. this doesn't help"
"i bet it's Donna."
(skeptical, pointing) "Donna???"
"no, not that Donna, prankster Donna."
"hmmmm. yeah, maybe. i dunno when she's even been up here though."
"i still say it's Carlos."
i had Lux write the note (@dubsteppenwolf) and she intentionally wrote differently and carefully, he'll never find someone to compare it to cuz it's written by someone he's never met
"well *I* think it's Brent."
"it couldn't be! here, look at this handwriting. you think *that's* from *Brent*???"
"why didn't i get horsed yesterday? i swear they know when i have the camera up and they don't come anywhere near here. they know."
"but how could they know?"
"cuz one of YOU are an ACCOMPLICE."
laughter all around
THE TARGET IS EATING A SNACK IN THE KITCHEN
THE TIME HAS COME TO STRIKE
HE MOVED IT TO THE FRONT OF HIS DESK AT SOME POINT
THE TEXTS CONTINUE, UNABATED
HE DIDNT UNWRAP IT??? WHAT WAS ALL THAT CRINKLING????? WAS HE SEARCHING FOR CLUES? DID I LEAVE A LONGASS ZOEYHAIR AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME????
I don't think I mentioned this in the thread earlier, but they found one of my hairs a month ago when I added the rider to the horse
my hair goes down to my waist, it's incredibly long, and the single black hair they found was about 4 feet long .... YYYYYEP THAT'S ME
this is when they had formed The Tribunal and these donkeys immediately ruled me out because "WELL THE HAIR'S NOT RED, SO IT CAN'T HAVE COME FROM ZOEY" because they have zero idea how hair works (to be fair, most of them don't have much hair left i guess)
they instead starting teasing the target "EY YOU BEEN HAVIN GIRLS COMING OVER TO YOUR CUBE BUD?"
i sat over here in disbelief the entire time
anyway how they came to the conclusion that 100% of my hair is dyed red when i very obviously and very intentionally did a black and red thing, and was sitting RIGHT HERE IN EYESIGHT WITH PLENTY OF BLACK HAIR, continues to be beyond me
they've never brought it up again
they all immediately wrote it off and forgot
OKAY WHO IS TEXTING HIM, WHO IS HE TEXTING, WHAT ARE THEY PLOTTING, WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?????? THE TEXTS STILL HAVE NOT STOPPED
IS HE IN A HORSE DETECTIVE GROUP CHAT??????????
OKAY GANG WE'RE SAFE
he just called me over to show me the candle
he has no idea that it was only there for like 47 seconds before he found it, he rarely pays attention to that shelf but went for a salt shaker to put on some eggs and went "AH SON OF A BITCH" when he immediately noticed the lurking horse
he doesn't know whether it showed up last week or today
me: "where the hell do you even get a horsehead candle???"
"I DUNNO, I DUNNO. -laughing- look at this damned thing"
i think he noticed it while i was in the bathroom
he's convinced that this was the work of "Donna", who apparently came by earlier
i made sure to run a horseday operation today because Carlos (his former prime suspect) and Brent (his other prime suspect) had both been in town and around the office yesterday... but i think i inadvertently cleared Carlos, as he's working across town today. woop
it was gonna be one page per week and the escalations were gonna be super gradual but i'm going on vacation in 2 weeks and my dad refused to be my accomplice for an AIRTIGHT ALIBI of horse sightings occurring while i'm on the other end of the country
once per month is the only non-suspicious plot i can go with
I REPEAT, TARGET SPOTTED
#OPERATIONHORSEDAY IS BACK IN ACTION, FOLKS
PLEASE STAND BY
no one is discussing the horse incident
i dunno if i just missed the discussion or if he quietly put it away, the only thing they're hollering about is the Boomer Flu
i am disappoint
it's fine, it's fine -- i've spent the time making a rough draft of the next page, feel free to spoiler yourself by taking a look, or leave the media hidden so things are still fresh when it happens!!
there's no fucking way THIS one won't trigger at least a heated debate though
YEEEEEEE HAW, PARDNERS
and yes, that is my remaining horse figurines that i placed on top of a growing head of cabbage that @dubsteppenwolf is growing, and then photoshopped to look like it isn't real
an hour after that last text in the chat ...... my burner number rang from a generic number from my company
and i, brain as smooth as a rock, thought it was a regular work call
and i ANSWERED
and it was MIKE, fishing to see who the 985 number was
Unstoppable shitposting engine.