so i guess someone named Melanie broke into my Spotify account somehow, they've been listening to shit for a few hours and adding songs to my playlists

anyway, now i'm making them listen to Where The Hood at, by DMX, at full volume, repeating the good part over and over again,

i'm at a cracker barrel and i'm quite certain that my co-worker could use a nice candle to brighten up his desk

🚨 HAPPY CRIMBUS Y'ALL 🚨

i snuck into the dark creepy building with no power on xmas for this

HOO RAH

here's the most infamous submission from one of my co-workers

it's... magnificent

my company makes us submit "safety incidents" we've prevented over the course of the year, whether at work or in our personal lives, and you're required to submit a certain number per year.

i always write stories about dangerous crates full of apples,

i think next time i'll have to stay late on a monday, and leave the payload there after everyone else goes home -- he's never here on mondays, only one of them is

i'll miss the initial reaction but i'll get him discussing it with the others all day once i'm here

HMMMM

plenty of time to plan it out, at any rate

THE NEXT HORSEDAY OPERATION WON'T BE TIL JANUARY 7TH, DUE TO HOLIDAY INTERFERENCE

MARK YOUR CALENDARS, FOLKS

HAPPY FUCKIN HORSEDAY Y'ALL

OVER AND OUT, HOOOOOO RAH

THE TRIBUNAL IS IN FULL SWING

"well Carlos says it ain't him. so SOMEbody's LYIN."

"he was here last tuesday, he was here today! Tom was at lunch with you... it sure as hell ain't me. it's carlos!"

"he's mad about getting pranked all the time and this is his attempt at retribution"

"i still can't believe the saddle wasn't there...."

🚨 I REPEAT, ALL UNITS REPORTING OPERATIONAL SUCCESS 🚨

WE NOW AWAIT THE TARGET'S RETURN

OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH

i snuck over to his stash, carefully extracted the TAINTED ARTIFACT, and loaded it into the printer to be printed upon

so yesterday i tried to print this horse on the top corner of his camel print-out

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.