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there's a woman in the corner with a high pitched weird-ass muppet voice that sounds like a fucking screeching pterodactyl when she laughs -- we're on break and people keep making her laugh -- what the actual hell

how is it even physically possible for a person's voice to actually *sound* like a spreadsheet??? modern science can't explain that.

sorry for the clickbait this isn't actually interesting or funny it's just a kick-off meeting and not worth livetooting

i have a love/hate relationship with these things because on one hand, I get to do even less work than usual. on the other hand, christ alive these people have boring voices

@killeveryhetero you gotta up the ante to establish dominance, walk over there, stare her dead in the eyes and in your loudest voice say FOR ALAN TENSION PORPOISES

sorry for rant, i just feel the fucking walls closing in around me with this shit more than the normal, omnipresent amount that i usually do,

he's in a meeting til 4 so i'll just mysteriously not be here at that time and woops my phone died!! haha silly battery!!

eventually the clock runs out and it stops mattering right?? i'd rather be seen as too irresponsible to bother answering the quiz than to accept this fucking trap

ALSO I'M STILL NOT YOUR DIRECT REPORT JUST BECAUSE WE WORK TOGETHER AND YOU SEE YOURSELF AS SOME KIND OF WISDOM DISPENSING PATRIARCH YOU FUCKING GHOUL

all i can do is claim i submitted it but it's like a 99% chance that he instantly checks on his stupid fucking iPad to see if it's marked complete or not

MAYBE i was thinking of the time you told a room full of ARAB CONTRACTORS about how you were so shocked your muslim roommate in college regularly bathed himself because that was "UNHEARD OF IN THOSE DAYS"

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

i don't know what to do i'm trapped no matter what i do and i WILL NOT contribute to someone ending up directly under this fucking ogre's influence, i WON'T.

either way he's so fucking forward he'll just be like OH THAT'S WEIRD HERE TRY AGAIN LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS and then i'm fucking trapped

if I tell him i'm uncomfortable he'll KNOW i was gonna dunk on him

if i rate him average on everything he'll still probably be like "hey what were you thinking about when you rated me ___ for ___? just trying to get feedback to improve!!" FUCK OFF.

I can't blast him. he'll know instantly. I need him on my side to be able to continue making an income.

but I REFUSE to lie and 5star this piece of shit and end up contributing to him becoming a manager. NO ONE should have to work for this ass goblin and i REFUSE to inflict this on someone

my only options are to claim it threw an error when I tried to start it (because the due date was last week) or to claim I submitted it, oh wait you don't see the results? weird must be because it's past due

it's "completely anonymous" by mixing the results together for each category except, he EXPLICITLY MENTIONED THAT I'M THE ONLY DIRECT REPORT.

which means that he sees my responses exactly as I answer them, verbatim. there's nine pages with 20 questions on each one

one of the questions was "how well does this employee promote policies that encourage diversity and inclusion of minorities in the workplace?"

HMMMMMM. I FUCKIN WONDER.

he has now taken to harassing me about it in person -- i feigned ignorance -- he mentioned that he knows I didn't take it cuz he listed me as a direct report

I tell him "haha well I'm not exactly a direct report to you"

"yeah I know but that was the easiest category for this thing"

WAS IT THOUGH? I SEE YOU.

I know this fetid goblin of a man, I know this place, I know the politics here

he's using me as a chess piece to claim he has direct reports because he wants to be a manager

the whole survey is about leadership and, since he's listed me as a direct report, how he's "managed" me

he listed my relationship to him as a "direct report" despite the fact that I DO NOT REPORT TO HIM

american-flag-belt-coworker has sent me dozens of notices asking me to fill out some fucking survey about him for some leadership training thing he's doing

i've ignored them all and put them in my "Other" inbox for plausible deniability

the due date was last week

some lady across from me talking very loudly on a conference call keeps saying "for all intensive purposes" and it's driving me fuckin nuts

american-flag-belt-coworker enters my field of view, for the first time in about a week and a half

the boss battle theme from FFVI begins playing in my mind as my vision clouds red,

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.