Show more



i can tell them apart now because i'm specifically paying attention to their voices BUT THE UNIVERSE IS INTENTIONALLY TROLLING ME AT THIS POINT WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL

super hard to get the camera to actually pick it u but the bottom part is low-key sparkly and it rules

whew made it home on this thing and i only died of 4 heatstrokes Not Bad :thumbL::coolhhHHAAAHHH::thumbR:

wish i could from this fucking all-day meeting my brain is melting

"D/s" in CWs stands for "Derivatives and stocks" and it's CW'd in a futile attempt by these mewling speculative investment motherfuckers to hide from the revolution

thank u for coming to my TED talk

i just choked on some water and now my throat hurts. thanks for joining me on this journey at 11:14am on this monday morning

my fuckin brain hurts

now that i've made the realization i can hear that they sound NOTHING alike, this guy has this exaggerated Cajun drawl that the other guy doesn't have

my dad, upon seeing my skateboard this morning (i rode halfway to work and got picked up by him at a coffee shop):

dad: "did you really have to put a sw....hammer and sickle on it?"
me: "....."
dad: "....."
me: "did you REALLY just almost call the symbol of my political ideology a SWASTIKA???"
dad: "yes i know shut up"
me: "you realize this is the symbol of the guys that DEFEATED those guys. it wasn't us."
dad: "yes okay i get it settle down"

lmao smh liberal headass mf

i discovered this, by the by, by asking the unknown man to my left (who definitely knows me and probably assumes i recognize him too) to confirm that the guy in the corner was George

i don't know why this shit still surprises me at this point lmao

i thought it was fucking weird that he seemed to keep switching beard styles every couple of weeks back and forth but i just wrote it off as a quirk BUT AS IT TURNS OFF, BOTH OF THESE MEN HAVE BEEN REMARKABLY CONSISTENT WITH THEIR FACIAL HAIR, FML,,,

i just discovered that what i've thought (for years) was one person is, in fact, two distinct people

i've been mistaking this guy "Tom", important but not in my org, for "George", important, my boss's boss

i just thought this is what george looked like when he shaves (george has a scruffy beard, tom is clean shaven except for a goatee)

i've had important career conversations with tom that i then referenced in an email with george and i had NO IDEA

prosopagnosia is bullshit, for fucks sake,

getting my fubes shaved outside the chip shop to own the libs

@em Ed Sheeran has a tattoo of a ketchup bottle on it, and they also released a version of the bottle where it looks like his tattooed skin

Show more

Unstoppable shitposting engine.