cats eating weird things is fucked up to me because of how careful they are about what they eat. like if a dog eats something fucked up it's just 'ah, this animal eats anything'. when a cat does it's 'this animal analysed this carefully and determined what its diet really needs is some wrapping paper and q-tips'
covid stuff, new mandates, etc. etc.
Since I've been off work and able to control my activities, I've tried not to engage because 1) it's depressing and 2) I think everyone's got a point somewhere, but . . .
. . . honestly, what a lot of people, from random shitposters to politicians to scientists, are talking around is that there's a large mass of Americans who can't be bothered to help their fellow human beings even minimally, and it increasingly turns out they're not all right-wing chuds.
so my wife's gone for the day, and i got this guy over, and we're making out, right. but my wife gets home unexpectedly. i dont want her to find out i'm gay, which is why i dug a small space to hide my lovers under the floorboards. i have this guy crawl down there, and i cover it up.
anyway my wife comes in, and she's askin all kinds of questions. and i'm making small talk, trying to hurry her out of the house. but the whole time, this dude under the floorboards is cranking it with metronome-like regularity. i can hear him super loud! so i'm talking as loud as i can and stomping around tryin to cover up the sound.
and i can tell my wife's getting suspicious right. and i'm getting more and more and more nervous. cause this dude is beating his meat louder. and Louder. and LOUDER! and finally i break down. i tell her everything. i'm gay. i want a divorce, i have gay lovers, etc etc. and i'm tearing up the floorboards to show her, but when we look down there, there's NO GUY AT ALL
and it turns out i was just fantasizing all along. and the sound of him jerking off was actually my own nervous pulse beating in my ears
THE TELLTALE DICK
here to have fun, he/him 🏴👍
Unstoppable shitposting engine.