Pinned toot

*Senator Dick Durbin, looks at a list of people born on his birth date and speaks to himself in the third person*

Why, they're all Durbin's age!

Pinned toot

Anytime anyone mistakes me for being anything less than highly intelligent, I show them polaroids of my bookshelves. That's right. plural

I had a dream that I was dispatched to Sweden because they needed a Submarine Lit professor at their rural university

drug and alcohol 

in the future all artists will be called "banksys" in honour of banksy, the original banksy.

time to face the facts: The Boys of Summer are in all likelihood dead at this point

shenanigans (political) 

sorry, meant to CW this one with UK violence mate

I'm just your average person on FB who believes Tom Hanks should be executed for his underground sex cauldron, and also people should be respectful of Donald and Melania Trump right now

@remulacfrommars
I can't stay in a romantic relationship with a grave robber.
when you exhume, you make an ex out of u and me

threat of violence against a deceased capitalist 

palm trees aren't trees, they're actually a kind of giant grass. they are more closely related to corn than to oak trees.

my most cursed take on today’s events/lewdish? 

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.