gonna collect all my dumbest #EldenRing posts in this threadโฆ
there are so many girls in this game who just want to hug you or hold your hand and they are all TROUBLE
(yes, i will hug them. yes, i will hold their hands.)
"a beast man? in MY farum azula?"
it's more likely than you think!
roderika says what we're all thinking:
1. i'm a coward
2. i'm so bad at this
3. many of the mean people trying to kill me have way too many arms and/or heads
went into the game expecting to become afraid of weird leathery guys and instead i'm now afraid of bears
crafting a wondrous physick by spiking my booze flask with amphetamines
summoning a spirit jellyfish (child soldier), in defiance of the 1998 ICC statute on child soldiers
sorceress sellen was exiled from the academy of raya lucaria for inventing the "cool S"
i'm a wizard (bad at fighting)
i love the bunny-squirrel-mice bopping around everywhere, whole world's gone to shit because of rings and fingers and whatnot, and they're just vibing
thops is a bit of a screwup but he's also the most normal guy i've met, probably the only guy who doesn't smell like a dog carcass or have a haunted penis in like a 200-mile radius
i kissed the cemetery shade
it was an intense psychosexual journey
(owie)
friendship ended with [dodging boss attacks]
now [Lhuthel the Headless] is my best friend
yes, i killed Godrick the Grafted, but i also gave him the push to try that dragon-head-arm thing like he'd always wanted, so for about 40 seconds before he died he was living his best life
they call them the Two Fingers, but you never see them fiโ HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NO NO NO NO DO NOT WANT WHAT THE FUCK LEAVE ME ALONE FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
guided by grace (pejorative)
walking around with a paper bag labeled "shabiri grape. do not eat." in my backpack
"you are a tadpole when it comes to magic. infantile. without the legs to walk."
sorceress sellen is a Poster
[upon completing literally any npc quest]
wellllllllllll... THAT happened ยฏ\_(ใ)_/ยฏ
everyone at roundtable hold is a sadsack sourpuss except for roderika, who is living her best life
hewg treats a cool character like his adopted daughter: that's cool, you're a great guy, i love that for you
ofnir treats a cool character like his adopted daughter: get a job! stay away from her!
honestly half the reason i like elden ring is that i don't understand any of its math at all and just sorta navigate all of its "rpg" systems based purely on hearsay and vibes
@saddestrobots [loot drop]?
@Marquise_de_carabats
she's a spirit summon, a big knight with a shield and spear who teleports around some
@saddestrobots A companion?
@Marquise_de_carabats
yep! you can find various ghosts and call them to help you fight in certain areas
they're really great for distracting bosses or big groups of enemies
@saddestrobots she's super underrated, worth going to +10 imo
@dubsteppenwolf
i got her to +5 with some stones from Siofra River and she crushed Dragonkin Soldier, Fallingstar Beast, and Godrick the Grafted for me while I just spammed rocks
@saddestrobots love that guy. that's my dude. real one. dude got arms comin outta his HEAD. real guy.
@diane
our time together was pretty short, but he sure spent a lot of it talking about gold for some reason
@saddestrobots haven't read the thread but I don't need to because this toot is enough
@saddestrobots You are doing the Lad's work with this thread. Thank you.
@saddestrobots she's on a great career path, she's making new friends, she's learning to forgive herself for that thing where her friends got turned into mister potato head pieces,
@dubsteppenwolf
i'm gonna throw her a little party because she just got 
CERTIFIED!! 
@saddestrobots also raining wolves
the dragon who's too tired to wake up even as he's bleeding to death from his ass is such a big mood, truly