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did i even do an ? no, i don't think so because i was so eager to begin shitposting immediately.

i'm Sharkey, but my friends call me Dan. i'm impossibly old but i was on the internet earlier than my contemporaries so it can be weird to be me. i'm from California but now I live in Berlin working at a famous non-profit & an amateur novelist who does every year.

whatever you say immediately triggers a reference in my head. i utter it about 10% of the time. you're welcome

Better Call Saul of Tarsus, the prequel to Breaking God's Law

three exes doing poorly isn't just for Vin Diesel any more

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Me: Well, this block of cheese isn't going to eat itself
*cheese becomes sentient and gnaws on its body*
Me: God damn it
Cheese: What is God

i believe Wayne Newton had a pet donkey named Shane

the VLC pylon is laughing at my belief that just last week it was wearing a Santa hat. guess i dreamed it. yes it is still laughing

the existence of Sirius Black implies the existence of Goofy Black

single-handedly holding up the jorts local timeline with a machine-gun flow of golden fucking shitposts is easy when you've got despair and bitterness to help you

having a massive peen means i can shape really big sheets of metal

sometimes my mouth tastes like pennies because I ATE PENNIES OKAY

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"Perhaps I could be the unexpected item in your bagging area?"

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the jorts local feed just ain't what it once was :(

being silenced just means i can fart undetected

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"My eyes are up here," she says with an elegant gesture to the top shelf of curious jars and grotesqueries.

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Ice Eggs beach. Thousands of balls of ice cover a beach in Finland due to a phenomenon that occurs when ice is rolled over by water and wind. πŸ’™

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acrophobia is just the fear of finding out you have superpowers and have to go around saving assholes now

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Unstoppable shitposting engine.