Sharkey! @sharkey@jorts.horse
it's my day. internet old. amateur writer and "shitposter", as you whippersnappers call it now.
here to fart a lot and eat sandwiches
Joined Nov 2022
Pinned toot
did i even do an #introduction? no, i don't think so because i was so eager to begin shitposting immediately.
i'm Sharkey, but my friends call me Dan. i'm impossibly old but i was on the internet earlier than my contemporaries so it can be weird to be me. i'm from California but now I live in Berlin working at a famous non-profit & an amateur novelist who does #nanowrimo every year.
whatever you say immediately triggers a reference in my head. i utter it about 10% of the time. you're welcome
Better Call Saul of Tarsus, the prequel to Breaking God's Law
three exes doing poorly isn't just for Vin Diesel any more
Sharkey!
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Me: Well, this block of cheese isn't going to eat itself
*cheese becomes sentient and gnaws on its body*
Me: God damn it
Cheese: What is God
i believe Wayne Newton had a pet donkey named Shane
the VLC pylon is laughing at my belief that just last week it was wearing a Santa hat. guess i dreamed it. yes it is still laughing
the existence of Sirius Black implies the existence of Goofy Black
single-handedly holding up the jorts local timeline with a machine-gun flow of golden fucking shitposts is easy when you've got despair and bitterness to help you
having a massive peen means i can shape really big sheets of metal
flop sweat era
sometimes my mouth tastes like pennies because I ATE PENNIES OKAY
wop bop a loo bop a lop bam fuck
Sharkey!
boosted
"Perhaps I could be the unexpected item in your bagging area?"
the jorts local feed just ain't what it once was :(
being silenced just means i can fart undetected
Sharkey!
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"My eyes are up here," she says with an elegant gesture to the top shelf of curious jars and grotesqueries.
Sharkey!
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Ice Eggs beach. Thousands of balls of ice cover a beach in Finland due to a phenomenon that occurs when ice is rolled over by water and wind. π
acrophobia is just the fear of finding out you have superpowers and have to go around saving assholes now
Sharkey!
boosted
im taking a permanent break from mental health to focus on social media
it's my day. internet old. amateur writer and "shitposter", as you whippersnappers call it now.
here to fart a lot and eat sandwiches
Joined Nov 2022
