*David Attenborough hides in a bush, watching me take out my phone and start scrolling the timeline*

“Here we see the extremely rare Mastodon heterosexual. Like many before him, he’s wandered into a harsh environment to which his kind are ill suited, he must adapt quickly, or risk defederation. He’s cautious, he begins to type his first post, a reply to a woman with “men stay away’ in her bio: ‘Has anyone told you how beautiful you are when you smile?’ Oh, dear.”

@sweetmercury *snerk*

From another Mastodon heterosexual. Albeit of the female kind.

That one probably just saw my reply to the woman who blocked him. "Too right" he reads, and his manly lip begins to tremble.

@sweetmercury *David Attenborough continues*:

Let us turn to follow Stelepami, another uncommon Fediversian: She is an Extrovert. What makes her nearly unique among others Extroverts is that this trait persists when she is offline.

We can observe this behavior at her place of employment. She is approaching a stranger and initiating conversation. Notice how she doesn't show any signs of distress; in fact, her smiles and laughter indicate that she is truly enjoying the interaction.

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Unstoppable shitposting engine.