Oh and i forgot in the description, there’s a Hot Librarian type holding a yardstick menacingly, because the men who buy this shit have oedipal complexes, I think?

Nothing screams “lone wolf” louder than taking a quiz in bizarro world Cosmo about being a lone wolf.

Chaser. Why are these people obsessed with capital J Jail? I think it’s because it’s the only place where their imagined hierarchy of toughness actually exists.

@sweetmercury yeah, I suspect that jail in their mind some sort of primal ancient alpha male (which never existed) place where the meanest toughest SOB rules over the weak like nature intended (in their minds obviously)

@sweetmercury “HOW TO DUMP YOUR PSYCHO GIRLFRIEND BEFORE SHE KILLS YOU”

...

“The assassin’s closet”

@sweetmercury “How to drop your magazine subscription before our tonal whiplash kills you”

@sweetmercury

imagine being so sheltered that jail is the scariest thing you can think of that needs 'surviving'

@sweetmercury this is like Soldier of Fortune but without the South African apartheid money to prop it up

@sweetmercury six ways to die in north korea:
(1) fall from a high place
(2) fall into the sea
(3) get gored by a rhinoceros
(4)

@breakfastgolem there’s a website and everything. Looks like one of those “Mainsplainer Weekly” mock ups but it’s real. Men are this pathetic.

@sweetmercury true alpha's live in constant and complete fear of vaguely defined 'rioters' breaking into their house, stealing their coldplay cd's, selling them on ebay, and using the proceeds to take their ex wife to a lobster dinner

@esvrld @sweetmercury I don't know why this made me giggle like a loon but it did.

@sweetmercury I would go through it and circle the parts that are actually informative, but I think this magazine is 15% “I’m a Tough Guy” and 85% Incel.

@JohnBrownJr every single one is funny. You just keep moving your head in circles from line to line like “COME ON!”

@JohnBrownJr how else will you know whether or not you’re a Lone Wolf?

@JohnBrownJr gonna commiserate with other Lone Wolfs about the lonely loneliness of the Lone Wolf Way.

@sweetmercury common core educators: "what if we taught kids abstract mathematical concepts to facilitate them learning higher math as who needs rote arithmetic when we all have calculators?"
Conservatives: "no time for that soy boy crap. Gotta teach them practical skills like how to make a shiv out of a toothbrush."

@sweetmercury Is Strider Knifes a company or a video game protagonist?

@stolas @sweetmercury it's actually an Ayn Rand kinda situation where your player character is an insufferable businessman and you have to RP destroying the means of production for some inscrutable reason

@sweetmercury getting myself thrown in jail but becoming a world renowned chef behind bars to own the libs

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.