Pinned toot

did 20 pushups and accidentally bought a box of non-instant oatmeal because it was on sale im a fitness account now

sun?? 60F?? not a cloud in the sky??? what a beautiful day!! work is gonna be a fucking nightmare

trying to take care of this septum piercing has made me cry more than literally going to jail twice

why does the lie down on the couch because you ate and got sleepy and now you have a headache nap exist what a stupid nap

bro i cannot shake this peanut butter thing i ate another jar i need to see a doctor or something

confirming a previous toot: cowboy cut are yeehaw mom jeans

there's something comforting about the smell of wet cardboard

one person tries to use a fake ding dong and now everyone has to go pants all the way down pee in the cup

take charge of your day by turning your internal distress and negative emotional turmoil into unabashed spiteful manic energy

raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by the criminal justice system

took a lil nap and i can confirm that i am susceptible to bedhead again my follicles are thriving once more

*complains about not being able to find a decent truck for under $2500*

*complains about the problems the seller must by lying about on their decent truck under $2500*

deepfake my voice to make it say nice things about me because i sure as hell don't

can't wait until saturday when all the st patricks day cookies are $2 off

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Unstoppable shitposting engine.