reporting LIVE from CUBICLE HELL, i bring you the latest in office humor!!! this is some real EPIC shit, folks

EL OH EL!!!!!

🚨 CRITICAL ALMOST-TWO-WEEK
UPDATE!!!!! 🚨

noticing that he just leaves these things up all week, i have chosen this monday to massively improve the situation

he has not noticed, yet

upon arriving to work today, all of the camels have been removed. unsure what the reaction was when he noticed

if he puts any/all of them back up this wednesday, i will print out a picture of a large horse with the words GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!!!! and attach it to his cube this thursday

if questioned, i will deny any knowledge of these actions

two weeks from now on a thursday, i will wish him a "happy horseday" in passing

THE TARGET HAS LEFT EARLY FOR THE DAY

COMMENCE OPERATION:HORSEDAY. I REPEAT, COMMENCE OPERATION:HORSEDAY

OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH

there is no sign of my masterpiece to be seen

target's reaction: unknown

a reasonably accurate dramatization of his discovery upon arriving to work this morning: "what the, fuck? huh??"

OH ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN??? HUH??? YOU WANNA PLAY GUY??? ALRIGHT ITS ON, I'LL SEE YOU TUESDAY BUDDY 🐎🐎🐎 🐎🐎

i forgot to celebrate horseday

that's okay

it'll only mean his guard will be that much lower next week

THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS DESK

HE SUSPECTS NOTHING

OPERATION HORSEDAY ROUND TWO: START

he didn't notice it for several minutes

while i was trying to get a sneaky photo of him typing with the horse in the background, he FOUND IT

behold the ultimate action shot:

"hey Tom, who came back here while i was gone?"

"huh?"

"like in the past 15 minutes, who came by my desk?"

"oh i dunno, i guess i wasn't paying attention"

"i got a ... horse. someone left a horse."

"i was here the whole time too, guess i didn't notice. huh."

I STRIKE FROM THE SHADOWS

NONE SUSPECT MY PRESENCE, LIKE A VERY DARK COLOURED PIDGEON IN A DARK ALLEYWAY, PLOTTING

IF THE CAMELS RETURN, NEXT WEEK A NEW HORSE WILL APPEAR, ALONG WITH AN EQUINE PHOTOGRAPH WITH THIS OVERLAYED ON TOP:

c'mon you motherfucker it's been two weeks without a camel picture put up

how am i supposed to continue my Art if you don't give me something to retaliate against???

i've overheard him talking about the inexplicable horse gift several times, it's still sitting on his desk

me, staring at the variety of horse figurines on my desk at home, all awaiting their chance for glory,

The Great Horse War is still stuck in a cease-fire since the Camel Nation halted all hostilities

this displeases me

there is, however, a parallel conflict in this office

one that has been going on for literal years

between my father, and an unknown antagonist

i overheard camelbro yesterday remarking that he is the culprit!!!!?

here's a screenshot of the direct quote

game on, fucker

you like that 8 0 so much, do ya?

good luck buddy, i keep a screwdriver in my purse at all times

a few minutes ago i stole the remote and snuck into a "phone room" (tiny private cubes for making calls)

after carefully removing (ripping) the 8 off, I scratched off the wiring on the board below it so that the 8 could never be pressed again

it kept lighting up anyway when I added the button back, but the button sits in the remote kinda shitty and it accidentally presses more than you want if you manage to get it to light up.... oh well, mission close enough to accomplished i guess

BUT WAIT

it turns out that if you manage to press the 8.... it sends 5, instead

CHECKMATE MOTHERFUCKER YOU CAME TO THE WRONG 🐎NEIGH🐎BORHOOD

THIS TUESDAY:

OPERATION HORSEDAY TAKES THINGS INTO ITS OWN HANDS

FOR TOO LONG HAVE WE WAITED ON DEFENSE

TUESDAY, WE GO ON THE OFFENSIVE OURSELVES

#🐎

THE LONG AWAITED CONTINUATION OF OPERATION HORSEDAY IS UPON US

first, behold the HORSE in it's natural state, exactly as it was when delivered onto the target's desk:

yes folks, that's right, you've guessed it: operation horseday has officially escalated to chemical weapons: GASLIGHTING

HAS THIS SADDLE ALWAYS BEEN HERE? SURELY IT HASNT... HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN HERE? WHO PUT IT HERE? HOW DOES IT FIT SO PERFECTLY??? WHERE HAS MY LIFE GONE WRONG?????

feel free to take bets on how long it takes him to notice the change

(yes that is a coffee mug that says I LOVE MY WIFE on it)

P.S.: two weeks after i confirm that he's noticed the saddle, the saddle will gain a humble rider, on a tuesday, of course

🚨 !!! RED ALERT !!! 🚨

THE TARGET HAS ARRIVED

I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS ARRIVED

he's looking right at the thing as he scribbles post-it notes for later, but hasn't noticed that anything is wrong

CHANGE BLINDNESS IS IN EFFECT, I REPEAT, CHANGE BLINDNESS HAS TAKEN EFFECT

the horse has not moved an inch

he is drinking coffee from a mug he keeps placing directly next to it, seemingly never having realized anything is awry

i don't think he'll ever realize it

HMMMMM...

it is decided! within the next week or two, we will add the bridle onto the horse, and see if that garners any kind of reaction or notice.

several weeks later, the reins will make their appearance. HOW MANY CHANGES CAN I MAKE WITH HIM STILL UNAWARES? tune in next week to find out, same horse time same horse channel

bastard is on vacation

do i add the bridle while he's gone? or wait? hmmm

i think i wait til he's back so he sees it without 1 day then with the next day, yeah, that's the ticket

!!!!!!!!!!

🚨 MAN THE BATTLESTATIONS 🚨

🚨 THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨

🚨 I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! 🚨

!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYTHING CHANGED WHEN THE CAMEL NATION ATTACKED

....that kinda sounds racist out of context, hm

THE COUNTEROFFENSIVE IS PREPARED

THE PAYLOAD IS COMPLETE

WE ARE LOCKED IN FOR HORSEDAY, NOV 5TH

OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH

Follow

I STRIKE FROM THE SHADOWS

I FORGOT THE HORSE BRIDLE AT HOME

THAT PHASE OF THE OPERATION WILL HAVE TO WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK

HAVE A BLESSED HORSEDAY, COMRADES, HOOOOOOOO RAH.

he uhhhh.... got back from wherever he was

and he didn't notice it

he's just casually working with this piece of shit clipped to his cubicle 2 feet away from him

lmfao

"Ahhh what the fuck, what is this?? Who visited me?"

"I don't know"

"I don't know either. It wasn't here this morning, so someone put it up in the last 15 minutes..."

"What is the date...? Today is 11/5... So what is significant about the fifth of November....."

"Billy maybe? He was just up here."

"I dunno. I dunno. I don't know what this means."

"Look somebody did *this*, and i dunno who did this one either. Put a horse on my desk a few months ago, I don't know what that's about either."

how the fuck does he not even remotely suspect me

come on

at this point the fact that he doesn't seem to have even a SHRED of suspicion against me is beginning to become an insult against my honor

I went and checked his STASH to see if he still had my old printouts, but it seems he ditched them or ferreted them away somewhere else. I was gonna put back up all 3 at once next week, but all he has are his two stupid camel prints and this most recent horse print of mine...

He doesn't seem to have ever connected the previous printouts (flying camel, first horse print) with this one or with the horse toy, and he certainly hasn't connected the whole thing with his dumb hump day jokes...

he hasn't noticed this always happens on a tuesday (horseday), but he has at last recognized the connection between the horse figurine and today's assault. he still seems completely oblivious that the saddle wasn't there from the start (goddamned change blindness)

next week i'll either go subtle (bridle + reins) or full on frontal assault (bridle + reins + rider + bonus horse), maybe depending on what he does tomorrow

PERHAPS, ONE DAY, HE'LL PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY,

THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS NEST

I REPEAT, THE TARGET HAS LEFT HIS NEST

ALL UNITS BEGIN COVERT OPERATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE EAGLE HAS LANDED!!!!!

ALL FORCES WITHDRAW AND PREPARE FOR OUR NEXT OFFENSIVE, SCHEDULED FOR 11/26

OVER AND OUT, HOO RAH

once again, the target has sat back down without noticing anything is awry

i'm not turning around cuz it'll give me away BUT I CAN HEAR HIM REMOVING THE MANY CLIPS I USED

HE KNOWS

HE

KNOWS

damnit he got them both, i was hoping he'd miss page 2 of two

"what's with the horses! i got horsed!!! look at this!"

"maybe it was Bob..."

"no, no, he wouldn't. and look at this! all these clips!"

"why horses?"

"i dunno! hey zoey, anyone come past my desk while i was in that meeting?"

>>"yeah that guy in the corner that was sitting in bossman's cube, but idk who that even is"

"damnit... who is doing this?? it's gotta be brian, gotta be."

"page 2 of two?"

"same person that did this, obviously. i don't get it! nice clips though."

lmfao he's laid everything out on the cube divider like a crime scene and keeps staring at it thoughtfully every few minutes like he's on the verge of cracking this case

"guess what day it is I mean it's horses I don't get it, they keep putting it up when I go in my meeting at 9 o clock..."

"wait this one too?"

"yeah this one too same thing... guess what day it is, what day is it???"

"you got an old phone or something? set it up filming?"

"yeah i got this old iPad, I've got it set up on timelapse right now just to see how long it'll keep going before it cuts out..."

"you can't use that, they'll see it sitting there, they'll know it's filming them"

"someone just keeps comin in early i guess heh heh"

"no!! no that's the thing! I've been here, it's not there in the morning but then as soon as I go into my 9 o clock meeting someone's coming around and gettin me. i keep getting horsed."

"but what's the reference? this seems like a reference?"

"i don't know!!!! guess what day it is? it's tuesday!"

guess i gotta keep my eyes open for his fuckin ipad spying on me

he seems to have realized that i'm always doing this during his 9AM tuesday meeting, but that's just been because of convenience -- he'll probly set up surveillance during that meeting going forward

THE JOKE'S ON YOU BUD

I'LL JUST DO IT DURING LUNCH

i've had a lot of long-running threads but this has got to be my favorite so far, by far,

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@killeveryhetero just want to say, this thread is beautiful and you're a master at your craft.

@killeveryhetero just getting caught up on the great horse war and it seems like things are really galloping along.

@killeveryhetero holy shit I just read this whole thread and I am DYING. I firmly support the Horse Nation in its valiant struggle against Camel imperialism

@killeveryhetero I honestly can't believe he hasn't made the connection yet between the camels and horses. you even used the same phrase!

@killeveryhetero In like another month as you keep doing this you be like "hey what about that camel thing?" and see if a light bulb pops above his head or not.

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@lyliawisteria i still don't think he actually watches fox news, i think he just wanted to troll (unknowingly) my dad

he does "pranks" all the time, he just apparently doesn't even remotely consider me a suspect for the turnabout

@killeveryhetero REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 5TH OF NOVEMBER
CAMEL-HORSE TREASON AND PLOT,

@anna yeah the 5th of november reference was accidental but its even funnier that he didn't get it

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