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me and my husband Geoff are queering heterosexuality by rebranding our marriage as a "bicule"

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watching russian doll last night reminded me of my weirdest carnival story

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boys please don't explain things to me i already know exactly as much as i can stand to know

@burgin in any of them you could suddenly produce a glittery collapsible top hat and I wouldn't be surprised

⚠️ extreme cuteposting ⚠️ Show more

⚠️ extreme cuteposting ⚠️ Show more

@triz if you love a post, set it free, and let the posting fates do the rest.

The achewood line that had the most influence on me is “I would have done a lot more as a kid if I’d known that being in trouble is a fake idea”

shocking to learn everyone i follow is both a huge Kid Rock fan and also an anti-vaxxer

anyway, time to get some shut-eye. good night!

There is a bench in Central Park whose dedicatory plaque just says "Yo Vinni" and I think about it constantly

Italians don't call it ghostbusting, they call it "grabba ghoul"

"oh shit my thermostat got a virus that helped ddos a gamer and now my doorbell is turning me in to the police" said dirk chuggly as he cracked open an energy drink aerated with real nitrous oxide

"uhh my headphones need to connect to a special app to make them work good and i forgot to charge my cigarette" said the hero of a bullshit cyberpunk novel noone would ever read called the year 2019

you ever just have to keep starting a song over cause you're like i wasn't done feeling yet

today's song i just gotta keep hearing is soccer mommy covering i'm on fire

there are only two types of picture. ones I look hot in and ones I'm not in

La petite mort is what they called it when they used tiny guillotines during the French revolution

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Unstoppable shitposting engine.