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@flowless the sea is the commons and i am a tragedy

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me and my husband Geoff are queering heterosexuality by rebranding our marriage as a "bicule"

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watching russian doll last night reminded me of my weirdest carnival story

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boys please don't explain things to me i already know exactly as much as i can stand to know

a creepy dude took a picture of me on his phone while i was taking orders, i stg if it was one of you that shit is extremely not fuckening cool and i will find out who you are

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fbi agent: so why exactly did you say you were "going to get all gakked up on Mucinex DM and drive a 1976 ford pinto into the pentagon" what did that mean
me, drinking out of a 64 ounce big gulp: i just thought saying that kicked ass and ruled mostly

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today is the only day you can boost this but only if you also live in purple grid world

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teaching this starbucks inclusivity workshop montessori style

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becoming an anprim bc i was particularly swayed by a brilliant episode of the Tlelvision Philosphy series Black Mirror

intrusive thought Show more

anyway my gf texted me just before i got off tonight that she, and multiple other people, cared about me, which is extremely sweet and also like, oh jeez have i made her think i'm worse off than i am

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"I'm INTP which means I can't help being hostile with no provocation!"

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"I love to travel! if you can't afford two weekend breaks to europe a month then fuck you xD"

just kidding i have no idea, i have never read a book

it literally doesn't matter what i say at this hour

food, hollerin into the void Show more

this website is the least helpful google

how to be treated like the smol uwu bean i want to be while still getting to be a bossy boots bitch

got a google review of my restaurant that called me "miss bossy boots" and like, fuck you but also hell yeah

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.