Pinned toot the sea is the commons and i am a tragedy

Pinned toot

me and my husband Geoff are queering heterosexuality by rebranding our marriage as a "bicule"

Pinned toot

watching russian doll last night reminded me of my weirdest carnival story

Pinned toot

boys please don't explain things to me i already know exactly as much as i can stand to know

mild eye contact, selfie 

I Enjoyed The Times We Shared
On Both Of Dot Laughing Out Loud

@burgin Grillpunk, the genre of culinary adventures in a food-scarce environmentally devastated capitalist hellscape

you call them steamed punks, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled

Hey I just finished @burgin's makeup process tutorial it's a really good overview, it reminded me of a bunch of stuff I forgot after not using makeup for like a year, her voice is super soothing, 11/10 go watch it

the masto guide to popularity:

1. don't put off breaking up when you know you want to. prolonging the situation only makes it worse. tell 'em honestly, simply, kindly, but firmly. don't make a big production. don't make up an elaborate story just to help you avoid a whole tear-jerking scene. if you wanna date other people, say so. be prepared for them to feel hurt and rejected, even if you've gone together for only a short time, and haven't been too serious, there's still a feeling of rejection

sometimes i still think about omar, the overnight clerk at the ramshackle old corner store by my old job in the bywater

one time, he told me, "there's not enough room on this planet for them to do all the things they want to do. so me, i'm gonna find someplace else."

the store shut down without warning late one october. outside, there was an old steel shelf lying on its side, with "close few week" written in blue painter's tape. that's been about three years ago and they're still not open yet.

the infield fly rule is that all the infielders have to keep their flys down at all times. you can't see it on tv cause their underwear is uniform colors too

was going through old pictures and found this one from my old job. the muscly body was already there, i just added the garf face

broke: the musical episode of buffy

bespoke: the musical episode of rocko's modern life

don't forget to like, share and subscribe. don't forget to hit that bell icon so you get notified when i post new content. don't forget to use the code TRIZFAN69 to save 15% on your first order. don't forget to sign up for the masto celeb cruise so you can rub elbows with me and other special guests. don't forget to sign up for my patreon; at the $1000 level, i will come to your house and eat your leftover spaghetti. don't forget to download my app for your smart toilet, i holler while you pee

look i'm just throwing spaghetti up the flagpole here

broke: remaking a movie
joke: rebooting a franchise
bespoke: refactoring and forking the screenplay

got that soccer mommy uk import cd where the cover calls her "footy mum"

i've got 17 wolves in my wolves inside me account

fella in a tweed coat sits down at the counter with a copy of the new york times. buddy i don't know where you're coming from, but around here all we got's hard times. still, he's the only lead i've got.

"hey stranger, what's the good word tonight?"

he looks up from the business section, irritated at the loss of concentration, then looks back down. i'm getting nowhere here

"what's the move tonight, fellas?" i holler over the counter at the hot line. the cooks continue bantering among themselves, seemingly immune to my charms. i order a rooty tooty fresh and fruity, but it's no use

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Unstoppable shitposting engine.