@Pixley @Authoritimmy I like that it happened "more recently" despite years of snake infestation. What do you reckon was the tipping point?

@Pixley @Authoritimmy "Well, one snake a day is one thing, but yesterday I saw two! This is simply untenable"

@Thomas @Pixley at first they shut down for "maintenance", but neglected to mention the snakes up to their knees

@Authoritimmy @Thomas just wading through snakes on your way to mail a package but what else could you do

@Thomas @Pixley @Authoritimmy when the snakes get up to the knee is generally where I'd call it

@mcknze @Thomas @Authoritimmy we all reach a point in our lives when we just can't deal with the snakes anymore, even though we dealt with the snakes yesterday and the day before

@Thomas @Pixley @Authoritimmy what are you going to do? serve the snakes an eviction notice?

@Thomas @mcknze @Authoritimmy there are infestations and there are *infestations*

@Thomas @Pixley @Authoritimmy look they just couldnt justify the massive expenditure on antivenom anymore you have to cut your losses at some point

@mcknze @Thomas @Authoritimmy I wonder what the post office sounded like, if there was a constant background noise that you could listen to for ten minutes and then suddenly identify as "slithering"

@Pixley @mcknze @Thomas @Authoritimmy oh karen, as we all know, snakes are completely silent on manufactured surfaces

@alex @mcknze @Thomas @Authoritimmy but couldn't you hear them writhing against each other

@mcknze @Pixley @Thomas @Authoritimmy rattlers only rattle when distressed. these snakes are in control. they are cool calm and collected snakes

@mcknze @alex @Thomas @Authoritimmy yeah I just looked up what snakes live in North Carolina and it is ALARMING

@Pixley @mcknze @alex @Authoritimmy copperheads scare me because they're sneaky and you might mistake them for a branch or not see them at all and then oh no you've been bit by a deadly snake

@Thomas @Pixley @alex @Authoritimmy all joking aside if i had to fuck with a water moccasin to send mail i would just not send mail

@Pixley @mcknze @Authoritimmy "Hi I'd like to mail this packa... excuse me, did you just flick your tongue at me?"

@Authoritimmy I used to manage snow removal for that site. unfortunately they did not hire us for snake removal

@Authoritimmy I would simply remove the snakes and reopen the post office

@Authoritimmy "believed the building will never be a post office again"

Psh, not with THAT attitude it won't. Employ the snakes!

@Authoritimmy i would simply turn the building into a snake enclosure like at the zoo

@Authoritimmy I like the time taken to thoroughly cover the mailbox but not to take down the Rent a PO Box sign

@Authoritimmy "No mail today,
my snake has come last day"

@Authoritimmy this is Justin's nightmare and I want to tag him in it so bad!! 😂😂

Cc @SanfordianPhil

@ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy I thought about Uncle Justice going to that post office when I saw this earlier and had to leave the office I was laughing too hard

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Anytime I hear about another building with a snake infestation, I die a little inside, and my resolve to never leave the safety of the permafrost strengthens.

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Philly, how far are you from Milton.
Go get the scoop for us!

Here's what I want to know:
What kind of snakes are we dealing with?
How has the infestation manifested?
Have any attempts been made to combat the infestation?
Someone said it's gotten worse: How?
Has anyone been hurt, seriously or otherwise?
Has anyone contacted Samuel L. Jackson about getting these motherfucking snakes out of the motherfucking post office?

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy
2 hours, it is all the way at the Virginia border,
I would assume more snakes,
They contacted Thom Tillis instead which is a good call because until his Senate run his entire political career was bankrolled by the owner of Rose's, Art Pope, and that man is definitely a snake

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look, I have an expensive vet bill coming up, you can't expect me to go to the border on a weekday when I get paid hourly

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

Going to call Milton, NC Mayor, Harriet Brandon, and find out what exactly her relationship is with these insidious slithering infiltrators.

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

According to the United States Census Bureau, Milton has a total area of 0.4 square miles (1.0 km2), most of it snakes.

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy sorry yeah, all boarder towns but one are of a similar size to that sorry forgot that wasn't common knowledge. Also I'm pretty sure that post office isn't most of .4 square miles even if you count the creek behind it (I'm assuming on this one but it makes sense)

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look, justice, it's an "incorporated town" the mayor's office is their front porch and their only business is having to listen to people mad about driving 20 miles to another township instead of 10 miles into milton. Their house isn't even in milton, they just own a corner store or something and registered to vote there so they could vote themselves into a pointless office. The surrounding farms and houses will never agree to join milton to avoid paying taxes to improve the post office. This is rural america Justice, welcome to the country

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

But she's the Mayor. She's gotta have an email address. I *refuse* to call her about the snake post office, but I will happily email her.

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look, it's been a few years since I've been in a town that out of the way and small, but I'm pretty sure they still have dialup

@Quixote171 @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy look they next nearest post office isn't that much further away. I'm serious the mayor probably lives like 6 miles out of town rural stuff is weird

@SanfordianPhil @ItsJenNotGabby @Authoritimmy

I grew up in a town without a post office, you don't have to rural-shame me.

Sign in to participate in the conversation

Unstoppable shitposting engine.