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@ancient_catbus PLEASE ENJOY THIS CERTIFIED HOOD CLASSIC

IT WILL TAKE ME ONE THOUSAND YEARS TO UPLOAD ON MY SHITTY WEBSITE

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BuzzFeed's Top Ten Tips for Honking Off in a Crowded Arby's™ Without Getting Caught by the Fukcing Cops

Well HOT DAMN folks it's that time of year again and I know you're all gathering the family and heading down to the local Arby's™ but before you go, take a gander at this Hot Tips gathered by local experts:

1) Don't forget the sunscreen!
[ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ...]

:promoted: Promoted

literal shower thoughts 

so, and surely someone else has already made this joke 100 times but i made myself giggle just now, but: so i was in the shower just now and i looked down and went "daaaamn bro she got that coochie prada" and i just,

Ah ah ah ah ah, stop right there jabroni. Stop scrolling immediately. I'm gonna need a full inspection of your most recently downloaded meme before you can continue on your way.

guy who's incredibly enthusiastic about halogen lamps: "look, i just don't see why gaslighting gets such a bad rap nowadays,"

jorts, y'all got one
A horse that's special everywhere
From New York to Hollywood
It's jortsy night and horse the feeling's good

Oh yes it's jortsy night and the feeling's right
Oh yes it's horsey night, oh what a night, oh what a night!

by popular demand (i'm popular and i demanded it), behold Dick Jerkins' glow-up:

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@killeveryhetero
🎶 Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
I think I'll go and eat worms

Long thin slimy ones
Short fat juicy ones
Gooey gooey gooey gooey worms

I bite off their heads
And suck out the juice
And throw the skins away

Nobody knows
How I survive
On a hundred worms a day 🎶

officer, HELP!!! there's a man sucking himself off in my GARAGE!!!! HELP!!!!!! OFFICER!!!!!! officer PLEASE, officer you need to suck this man off pronto!!!!! help!!!!!!

i hope you guys understand that my posts are gonna be insufferable in a week when dwarf fortress steam edition comes out and i just keep posting inscrutable, contextless bits of content like "holy shit the blacksmith, Glup Shitto, flew into a rage and threw his wife into the Elephant Lava Chasm and is now slaughtering an entire contingent of elven traders wielding his legendary artifact hammer made of dolphin foreskins, Glöbokshittîr,"

feeling very happy and content posting on jorts, the concentration of shitposting talent is a balm for my bruised and battered poster's soul

ME: ooooh can I lick the beater?

HEART SURGEON: please stop calling it that

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.