Zoey - Arby's™ Ambassador 🥡 @killeveryhetero@jorts.horse

BuzzFeed's Top Ten Tips for Honking Off in a Crowded Arby's™ Without Getting Caught by the Fukcing Cops

Well HOT DAMN folks it's that time of year again and I know you're all gathering the family and heading down to the local Arby's™ but before you go, take a gander at this Hot Tips gathered by local experts:

1) Don't forget the sunscreen!
[ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ...]

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it isn't even true lmao

i don't think he noticed my email signature change which is a damned shame cuz that was 90% of the joke but i'll take the victory nonetheless

my dad has been spouting nonsense about "the thing that will finally sink bernie!" in arguments for weeks as Bernie supporting the ayatollah of Iran in 1979

this time at lunch with him & a work friend I finally stopped replying my usual "nobody actually cares dude" and WELLLLL.....

yo whatup we back from vacation

gonna see about fixing some of jorts' missing customizations this weekend probly

BEHOLD: MY HAIR

also, and pay attention to this you smarmy fucks who keep repeatedly reporting my users to me for this, I AM EXPLICITLY SOLICITING BOOSTS FOR THIS SELFIE. BOOST THIS SELFIE. if reading those lines made your blood boil, get some help

()

pete butt guy send toot

@Glinner SUCKONDEEZ NIPS YA FUCKIN TERF LOL

ah goddamnit i wanted to bofa him but i probly missed the chance, guess he's been here a few months already and has already fucked off mostly

blocked

@Glinner hello Mr lineham Sir, HUGE fan, i was just wondering now that you've joined *the fediverse* if you've properly acquainted yourself with the largely accepted Kondee Accord?

what the fuck there's a glinner instance now??? for real? lmao that's hysterical

jorts folks only, should we:

• block the domain?
or
• mess with him until he posts a hilarious screed about how he's been victimized?

our server infrastructure is scaled pretty far above our needs, so once i do some work making things prettier and jortsier we may begin a RECRUITMENT CAMPAIGN again in earnest

i need to double-check that mailgun is actually working, first, cuz prior to this update several folks weren't getting mail and who knows where that was breaking down

🚨 JORTS DOT HORSE IS FULLY OPERATIONAL AGAIN BABEYYYYYY 🚨

media is fixed, imagemagick wasn't fucking installed

streaming is fixed, i think it was just overwhelmed by the backlog workers (let me know if streaming is not fixed for you)

we're missing a few of the old jorts customizations (joot, our favicon) which i'll re-introduce later now that we're actually working correctly

REJOICE, YE FAITHFUL, AND DO HORSE CRIMES

imagemagick wasn't installed

(can't wake up) WAKE ME UP INSIDE

I FIXED THE DISCORD BOT APPARENTLY CAPITALIZATION MATTERS FOR THE BOT SERVICE NAME wow fuck my life ANYWAY WE'RE ALL GREEN except media fuck media

THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT EVERYTHING PROPERLY BOOTS UP AFTER A RESTART WITHOUT MY INPUT

except my discord bot for some reason

BUT THATS LESS IMPORTANT