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@ancient_catbus PLEASE ENJOY THIS CERTIFIED HOOD CLASSIC

IT WILL TAKE ME ONE THOUSAND YEARS TO UPLOAD ON MY SHITTY WEBSITE

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BuzzFeed's Top Ten Tips for Honking Off in a Crowded Arby's™ Without Getting Caught by the Fukcing Cops

Well HOT DAMN folks it's that time of year again and I know you're all gathering the family and heading down to the local Arby's™ but before you go, take a gander at this Hot Tips gathered by local experts:

1) Don't forget the sunscreen!
[ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ...]

:promoted: Promoted

@killeveryhetero government mandated bedtime: that's fascism
job mandated bedtime: that's patriotism

@killeveryhetero 8 hours for REST
8 hours for WHAT WE WILL
8 hours for STAYS UP LATE, DRINKING COFFEE AND PLAYING WITH HER PHONE IN BED

@killeveryhetero
in conclusion: the company would be more productive if they let Amy have a three-hour siesta every day to recharge after lunch

amy's got some hot girl vibes tho for real, laying in bed just chugging coffee while doomscrolling that's based as hell

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i'm only a couple of episodes in and i don't actually want anyone to give me the answer in advance, but --

if gundam witch from mercury is queerbaiting me i'm going to scream incoherently about it for years

generations of youths will hear my screeching, for decades, and roll their eyes like "there goes granny, screaming about mecha robots or some shit again, what an absolute loser" and i will merely hiss and snarl at them in response

Journalists Aren't Having A Good Time On Mastodon, And Many Blame The Culprit: Journalists.

@killeveryhetero if i were like 10% more motivated i'd photoshop the background so it says 'scromiting'

there's only one gender that i know of, pardner. the 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 gender.

OUT NOW with @mikaelthalen

EXCLUSIVE: U.S. airline accidentally exposes ‘No Fly List’ on unsecured server

https://www.dailydot.com/debug/no-fly-list-us-tsa-unprotected-server-commuteair/

+ my more technical and witty blog post

https://maia.crimew.gay/posts/how-to-hack-an-airline/

you see, the joke here is that you were expecting an absurd punchline, but instead, it's just his fetish and he's requesting that you indulge him in it. in this case, the humor is derived from the subversion of your expectations -- you expected the absurd, but were presented with the mundane, and by the nature of your expectations the mundane has become absurd. in this TED talk i will attempt to

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officer, HELP!!! there's a man sucking himself off in my GARAGE!!!! HELP!!!!!! OFFICER!!!!!! officer PLEASE, officer you need to suck this man off pronto!!!!! help!!!!!!

trauma dumping 

siri

siri hey

siri google can you shit yourself to death

hey siri please

alexa? can you shit yourself to death,? shidted so hard you shat your last shot? siri ?

ok google, hey google , search home remedies for repair ruined holes

pleas e,

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.