Pinned toot

BuzzFeed's Top Ten Tips for Honking Off in a Crowded Arby's™ Without Getting Caught by the Fukcing Cops

Well HOT DAMN folks it's that time of year again and I know you're all gathering the family and heading down to the local Arby's™ but before you go, take a gander at this Hot Tips gathered by local experts:

1) Don't forget the sunscreen!
[ᴄʟɪᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ...]

:promoted: Promoted

now masto is only eating 2 GB of my RAM instead of fucking 7.9 GB lol

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hey alright it came back on its own thank god i don't have to do anything

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yeah i'm gonna reboot lol

sorry if jorts.horse breaks in the reboot i'm like 90% sure it's config'd to boot back up automagically when the server restarts but

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a few early reports from historically trustworthy sources that Elon Musk actually purchased twitter as a dowry at the behest of his new fiance, Graham Lineham; apparently, the two quietly became engaged last month, after reportedly bonding over being publicly cucked by transwomen

getting scattered reports here at the newsdesk that known Mafia snitch, Elon "The Muskrat" Paglione, may have been behind the recent Twitter Inc. acquisition and money laundering scheme.

When reached for comment, he responded: "I buya the website, i no paya my taxes. Mama Mia!"

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦,
𝙄𝙏 𝙋𝙐𝙎𝙃 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆𝙒𝘼𝙍𝘿.

𝑺𝑬𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑷𝑨𝑪𝑬 𝑪𝑼𝑪𝑲...

eyyyyy i remembered to renew the domain name with 3 days to spare

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Sir Lancelot the guy with the unusually large hog? I thought not. It's not a story that mastodon.social would tell you. It's a jorts.horse legend.

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Sir Lancelot has lots of sex due to being a total badass and also his unusually large hog and all the other knights mock him relentlessly for it, refusing to refer to him by his real name and instead using derisive nicknames like "Sir Fucksalot" and "that guy with the unusually large hog"

you'll never get away with this, FARTSNIFFINGMAN!

OH, but I ALREADY HAVE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *sniiiiiiiiiiiff*

ABSOLUTELY CURSED, DO NOT CLICK, DO NOT READ, DO NOT LOOK AT, DONT!!!!!!!!!! [bepis] 

herwe at ARby's™ we know to take the holidsdays SERIOUSLY

so to Prepare fyourself for this special Valentaiones day, why not try something NEW to SPICE things UP for your lovers? check out these Hot and SPicy Tips, gathedrd hrere by a Local Expert! /

Tip #1:

🎶 the best, part, of waking up,,
is pooping from your butt 🎵

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.