manic pixie fever dream @killeveryhetero@jorts.horse

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Sir Lancelot the guy with the unusually large hog? I thought not. It's not a story that mastodon.social would tell you. It's a jorts.horse legend.

Sir Lancelot has lots of sex due to being a total badass and also his unusually large hog and all the other knights mock him relentlessly for it, refusing to refer to him by his real name and instead using derisive nicknames like "Sir Fucksalot" and "that guy with the unusually large hog"

you'll never get away with this, FARTSNIFFINGMAN!

OH, but I ALREADY HAVE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *sniiiiiiiiiiiff*

herwe at ARby's™ we know to take the holidsdays SERIOUSLY

so to Prepare fyourself for this special Valentaiones day, why not try something NEW to SPICE things UP for your lovers? check out these Hot and SPicy Tips, gathedrd hrere by a Local Expert! /

Tip #1:

🎶 the best, part, of waking up,,
is pooping from your butt 🎵

please help, my family is threatening to disown me for dabbing aggressively at family dinners, what can i do to regain their trust and respect???

𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦,
𝙄𝙏 𝙋𝙐𝙎𝙃 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘽𝘼𝘾𝙆𝙒𝘼𝙍𝘿.

𝑺𝑬𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑷𝑨𝑪𝑬 𝑪𝑼𝑪𝑲...

if anyone has been thinking of joining or coming back to JORTS DOT HORSE and didn't because it was so out of date, well, now's your chance. sign-ups are re-enabled, we're running latest masto, and (afaik) we've never been at the center of a fedi controversy

downsides: absentee badmin who never posts

upsides: damn thats a sexy jorts horse logo

i might need to disable sign-ups again if we get inundated with weird bot accounts like last time, but for now they're open!

tfw you fix jorts dot horse

@Ferretsyndicate@radical.town @kelsey @Slipperywerm

YOU DRAW ON ONE OF US
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YOU DRAW ON ALL OF US
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COMIN IN WITH THE CLOP CLOP GAT GAT FOOL