Drew Brees @anthonydavis@jorts.horse

@tasnyx god is good, all the time. all the time? god is good

@j997922 dinar revalued: Check
My son finally recommitting himself to the practice of Bushido: Check
God has finally given me permission to fling my terrible body out of my lease to buy 2006 Toyota Elantra: Check
I am living my greatest and truest jihad

its what he wants for me and my 2008 family

every day, i pray that God revalues the dinar

@garfiald minecraft is pro-colonial propaganda and smashing physical copies of it is praxis

it was a fad like 10 years ago. are we all still freaking out over inception & the arctic monkeys as well

does it not seem absolutely fucked to anybody else that minecraft is still a thing

Pronouncing Superbowl like hyperbole.

There’s a barbershop quartet at this family reunion. Holy shit I’m dying

DON DRAPER (pitching to Budweiser in 1986): Men are simple. Men like beer. But why do they want beer? It's a yearning. A yearning for something more. To be wanted. To be cared for. Mr. Budweiser, here's your next campaign:

haha oh no,

he always knows just what to say...

@garfiald I will never be impressed by any cursed food since @laurie 's stunt.

literally every food in the world looks nauseating when photographed in substandard lighting. i am not impressed by any of your "cursed food" items

@EdgarAllanFoe polaroids are nude body trading cards

I love this r/relationship post

@j997922 shut up

"I have decided this is fine, and evolution is for whimps." Says the noble crocodile as they sit in one spot in a river and wait for something to swim into it's open mouth.

Crocodiles are great 'cause they could have evolved over thousands and thousands of years but instead decided to continue being giant lazy dinosaurs and nobody can really stop them.

Physics: If you skull keeps getting bigger the force of your own bite will destroy it

Crocodile: That's fine, I'll just have my skull develop in a way to defeat you

Physics: No

Croc: yes