shonen protag slim pickens @beef_mcgristle@jorts.horse

"amab" stands for "assigned mab at bab". "afab" is short for "autonomous fabrication"

have developed the power of melekinesis (guy named mel I tell to move things for me)

just watched True Stories (1986). phenomenal experience, a beautiful film. come for the deconstruction of an america still shockingly like today's, stay for an alarmingly young and smooth john goodman singing "people like us"

risking it all to acquire the script for robert heinlein's unproduced care bears film "time enough for wuv"

getting extremely mad that this two year old remains steadfastly unenlightened by my "a metaphor is just an allegory you can fit in your handbag" epigraph

(getting thrown out of the rubik's convention for "ruining everything" and "burning the hotel deposit") you cowards! you can't spell "speedcubing" without "peedcubing"!!

they don't tell you this, but you can perpendicular park also. people will just drive around, it's fine

desperately curious to see if there's an incredibly ham-handed sweetroll quest in starfield, but if I touch the game before hundreds of modders have rectified it I'm reasonably certain I'll be destroyed

if everyone goes into a dark room at midnight and says "horse horse horse" into a mirror, we'll channel enough Occult Jorts Energy to restore the dark bargain that keeps the server fast

I love hiking, but it's such a ridiculously tiring activity. "oh sorry I'm making damage over time oof noises every time I move, I took a walk (uphill slightly) yesterday"

greeting jorts dot horse, I have not abandoned you to play baldur's gate 3 like it's my job. that is a coincidence and a perfidious lie

going to start an absolutely atrocious vegan seafood restaurant called "20000 Legumes Under The Sea"

when you see football players doing those rapid side-to-side jumps, it's because they are trying to become like a crab, and grow four more legs. none have yet succeeded, but for a reasonable fee I could be persuaded to teach them the requisite Crab Mindset

they'll tell you it's not true, but I know that every dentist sends the teeth they extract to be stored in one grain silo in nebraska. and I'm going to find it and jump in it like scrooge mcduck. new tooth fairy coming your way

think I've got a handle on bankruptcy court, gonna try referring to the judge as "senpai"

there should be a show following the daily life of nihilist mobster "nietzsche joe" as he gets into increasingly unlikely hijinks. eventually a cop reads his hand-drawn bl manga featuring two other mobsters. he feels nothing but the feeling that he should have felt shame and suplexes the cop into oblivion for a momentary escape from the searing dryness of his soul

is jorts being mega slow for anyon else?

the unforseen danger of using an open source app store is that you might be stuck repeating "knigopis, have you ever read balzac?" to yourself all day

got a minor infestation of environmental storytelling a couple blocks down, hopefully it's not plot-significant

the mouseketeers were all frauds. I bet not even one of those kids could fire a mouseket, let alone reload one with a live mouse