shonen protag slim pickens @beef_mcgristle@jorts.horse

thinking about the typography of this book I saw in the used book store

this country used to do great things! we put a man on the moon for chrissakes (shaking head sadly) and then that bastard lee harvey oswald shot him

thinking i might connect a few computer networks together in a kind of "inter-net", let me know what you think

getting kicked out of my d&d group for insisting that Keebler Elf is a legal variant, and that I should get advantage on Keebling Skill Checks

hey! welcome to the car I drove in college. all we have is a tape player and some tapes I grabbed at the thrift store. what are we listening to?

a hobbit is low-key goated when taking the one ring to mordor is the vibe

putting my name in the wedding registry as "Steve Landcleamer" because I don't need recognition, I love spoonerisms, and I'm a gross little pervert

"twenty years ago we had Hope, Cash, and Jobs." I raise my cowl and an ominous red glow consumes me. "soon we shall see their return. but the price must be paid!" I gesture at the effigy of kevin bacon upon the altar

[BLACK AND WHITE FOOTAGE. MAN IN THICK-RIMMED GLASSES WEARING SUIT AND TIE, SPEAKING IN MID-ATLANTIC ACCENT]

Good morning. You've probably overheard people talking about "kinky sex". This is where a "penis" enters a [VISIBLE FEAR AND DISGUST] "vagina". As a patriotic American, you're probably as confused as I am. But I'm speaking to you today because scientific breakthroughs have confirmed that this act is vital for the future of our great nation. Now, let's learn how to "get your freak on"!

AMFV
A Mind Forever Voyaging
AMerica's Funniest home Videos

when a british person says "come here luv, give us a kiss", the "us" is used to signify that they speak with the authority of the british nation, which you are being instructed to kiss (do not do this!)

give up, righteous hero! you will never defeat me! my crimes are petty and insignificant, and I'm too weak to even be good target practice! mwahahaha (I move to caper away and collide with a doorjamb, which kills me)

there's something very humiliating about getting eaten by a shark. they don't have any bones! getting obliterated by a giant ear with a million teeth, smdh

it's so hard to make friends as an adult. for months I've been waving and smiling at everyone I can see every time I'm stopped at an intersection, and STILL no one came to my birthday party!!!

as a wee child, unable to sleep and ruminating on the realization of my own mortality in the deep watches of the night, I would often sneak out to the living room and put on the disney omnibus film "fun and fancy free"

the low-stakes antics provided an imperfect distraction, so now I have a permanent association between thoughts of my eventual demise and this motherfucker

nah nah nah kublai, my man, you really wanna have to get the county inspector out here for a dome? keep it simple, hell you could get away with a hole in the ground. and cut that "stately" shit, no one's gonna be able to relax. it needs to be welcoming, you should feel like you're falling into it. can't go wrong with a gaping pleasure hole

everybody's got that one homie who can't accept that the square root of two is an irrational number. that homie of a pythagorean nature

refering to humboldt as "upstate california" and getting the shit beaten out of me by a guy who looks like if rob zombie was a grateful dead groupie

Learning To Live In The Lake: How Full-Time Snorkeling Saved My Marriage