The President of Mastodon VEVO @breakfastgolem@jorts.horse
- Pronouns
- he/him/his
- Posting Style
- Hot Cheese
Many people are saying things about me:
"im going to throw you into the sea" - Jacie
"cram it, square!" - Louisa
"I don't know why we put up with him" - ecsaln
Header by @starwall
Alt: @breakfastgolem
Music: @SmoteReverser@linernotes.club
see you nutmeats in hell
Joined Jan 2021
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Hi, it's me, Breakfastgolem. I moved over from my .social account because I wanted to be even better over here on Jorts. I've been on Mostodan for over four years, and I am now eternal. I'm a white dude (not really a man, just a guy-ish kind of person), I'm Old, I make good posts. Everyone loves me. Follow me for good times (unless you're a TERF/SWERF/Nazi/conservative/republican/capitalist/garbage person).
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We follow a simple formula around here to have a great Mastodon experience. Simply memorize this acronym and you'll be well on your way!
Making friends
Interesting content
Letting everyone know you're nice
Finding memes to post
Welcome to Mastodon!
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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i feel bad for my neighbors sometimes like
its 1am and i just yelled at my phone STOP JUGGLING HE WANTS IT GIVE THE QUOKKA THE FRUIT
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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30% of my followers are jackdaw accounts
Update: an official proclamation. I apologize for calling you a "chucklefuck." I love you.
Listen up, chucklefucks: this is 100% real. I'm the Mastodon Prez, and what I say, goes. Got it? Now let's go to a Sizzler and get fucked up.
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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tried makin a damb joke and messed it up.
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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pbbsssrtttt not my president. Healyn 2028!
I'm the President of Mastodon.
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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musk had better ban links to goblin dot camp, cause i'm a lilttle goblin guy and i'm gonna get him
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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@breakfastgolem Actually it was masterbatadon
It does matter because it shows he doesn't know how to spell mastodon OR masturbate
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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Friend: ok I know this great barbecue place
Me: nice, let's go
Friend: hold on. It looks real shitty
Me: 🥹
Friend: it looks like a bag of rat asses in there
Me: 🤩🤩🤤
Friend: also the owner is probably going to chase you away with a hammer
Me: shit this is gonna be good
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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[goes to a website that’s 10% different from a website I’ve used every hour of every day for a decade] What the hell is this crap!!!
💭 
Remember when Musk called this place "Masturbatedon"?
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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The President of Mastodon VEVO
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@breakfastgolem some fellas like a shower beer, but I’m more of a shower gurt man
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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@breakfastgolem an absolutely perfect and thorough play through
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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Open for a cool secret
You don't have to talk about Twitter
You don't even have to think about Twitter
I decided to play Microsoft Flight Simulator.
I downloaded 158GB of game data.
I sat through tutorials and learned how to trim my plane in flight, the differences between VFR and IFR, how to soar majestically through a photo-realistic virtual world.
I loaded up my first free flight, selecting a Cessna parked on the tarmac of an airport in my city.
I took off. I was careful, controlled, calm. I was free.
I flew over my own home and crashed in to it.
I exited and uninstalled the game.
The President of Mastodon VEVO
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i am going to find the subatomic particle that makes things normal and bring it to the fediverse so we can all crowd around like a kindergarten show & tell.
- Pronouns
- he/him/his
- Posting Style
- Hot Cheese
Many people are saying things about me:
"im going to throw you into the sea" - Jacie
"cram it, square!" - Louisa
"I don't know why we put up with him" - ecsaln
Header by @starwall
Alt: @breakfastgolem
Music: @SmoteReverser@linernotes.club
see you nutmeats in hell
Joined Jan 2021
