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Hi, it's me, Breakfastgolem. I moved over from my .social account because I wanted to be even better over here on Jorts. I've been on Mostodan for over four years, and I am now eternal. I'm a white dude (not really a man, just a guy-ish kind of person), I'm Old, I make good posts. Everyone loves me. Follow me for good times (unless you're a TERF/SWERF/Nazi/conservative/republican/capitalist/garbage person).

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We follow a simple formula around here to have a great Mastodon experience. Simply memorize this acronym and you'll be well on your way!

Making friends
Interesting content
Letting everyone know you're nice
Finding memes to post

Welcome to Mastodon!

i feel bad for my neighbors sometimes like

its 1am and i just yelled at my phone STOP JUGGLING HE WANTS IT GIVE THE QUOKKA THE FRUIT

Update: an official proclamation. I apologize for calling you a "chucklefuck." I love you.

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Listen up, chucklefucks: this is 100% real. I'm the Mastodon Prez, and what I say, goes. Got it? Now let's go to a Sizzler and get fucked up.

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musk had better ban links to goblin dot camp, cause i'm a lilttle goblin guy and i'm gonna get him

@breakfastgolem Actually it was masterbatadon

It does matter because it shows he doesn't know how to spell mastodon OR masturbate

Friend: ok I know this great barbecue place

Me: nice, let's go

Friend: hold on. It looks real shitty

Me: 🥹

Friend: it looks like a bag of rat asses in there

Me: 🤩🤩🤤

Friend: also the owner is probably going to chase you away with a hammer

Me: shit this is gonna be good

[goes to a website that’s 10% different from a website I’ve used every hour of every day for a decade] What the hell is this crap!!!

@breakfastgolem some fellas like a shower beer, but I’m more of a shower gurt man

@breakfastgolem an absolutely perfect and thorough play through

Open for a cool secret 

You don't have to talk about Twitter

You don't even have to think about Twitter

I decided to play Microsoft Flight Simulator.
I downloaded 158GB of game data.
I sat through tutorials and learned how to trim my plane in flight, the differences between VFR and IFR, how to soar majestically through a photo-realistic virtual world.
I loaded up my first free flight, selecting a Cessna parked on the tarmac of an airport in my city.
I took off. I was careful, controlled, calm. I was free.
I flew over my own home and crashed in to it.
I exited and uninstalled the game.

i am going to find the subatomic particle that makes things normal and bring it to the fediverse so we can all crowd around like a kindergarten show & tell.

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Unstoppable shitposting engine.