Pinned toot
Pinned toot
Pinned toot

please do not waste my time reporting my users for "lacking general quality", it only makes their posts worse

Pinned toot
Pinned toot

*to the tune of Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangsta by the Getto Boys*

damn it feels good to be a gamer

*everyone starts yelling at me*

If any Brooklyn folks are around tomorrow morning at 9 AM to help me get my furniture out of my apartment and move it around the corner, I would super appreciate it. I can't afford movers right now, and I can't move it on my own.

Gonna torrent the wizard game and then immediately move it to the recycling bin. I don't even want to play that garbage, I'll just steal it for pure love of a caper

Latest strip from my pal Rory, anyone who follows him join me in demanding he put it on a tee shirt

they're the one to call
doctor jorts horse

they're the one who'll make you feel
less worse

I gotta stop watching the "behind the scenes" things after Last of Us. Craig Mazin is too fuckin weird.

<HGTV voice> hi, I'm Jepp and this is my wife, she raises squirrels and I jump off the roof with apples in my pants; our home budget is $1.6M and we can't agree on classic v modern design

giving potential sexual partners "the talk" (telling them that the dicksucking factory made me sign a noncompete agreement)

PROS
-im going to be awake at that time anyway, just flopping around in bed like an insomniac idiot instead of looking at twitch

-i don't have anywhere to be tomorrow

CONS -very high likelihood that I will accidentally overdo it and stay awake until like 9am

Show thread

should I stay up real late and watch a couple hours of the new ffxiv ultimate or should I be normal. please take into consideration that the new ult raid is called "TOP" and that's really funny

give up, righteous hero! you will never defeat me! my crimes are petty and insignificant, and I'm too weak to even be good target practice! mwahahaha (I move to caper away and collide with a doorjamb, which kills me)

anyway people said all this same shit about Eraserhead. get back to me in like 15 years.

Show thread

it's so easy to just hate something, for example I'm the Black Phone's biggest hater but you don't see me pretending that it doesn't have a PLOT

Show thread

"no plot" was factually wrong enough you don't have to try and out-do the most braindead guy on r/horror

Show thread

sorry to keep Skinamarink Posting but do people know they can just not like something. like they don't have to go on reddit and say absolutely wild shit like "this movie has no characters"(?????)

(repeatedly watching movies about a house that kills you) damn that's fucked up.... I live in a house

Show thread
Show older
jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.