peptostate :horsiefied: boosted

Employee at the gym: So what are your goals? What kind of body do you want?

Me: *Pulls out phone, excitedly starts showing him pictures of river otters*

Employee: What

Me: What

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@peptostate
What were you raised in a barn? Dont play (video games) with your food.

peptostate :horsiefied: boosted
peptostate :horsiefied: boosted
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this specific mastodon toot cinematic universe

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@peptostate i haven’t watched it yet either but freddie mercury was a dude who could rock one well.

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if there’s one thing the freddie mercury movie did right it’s help normalize moustaches

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What's up! I'm the host of an interview show called "answer questions while we pepper spray your face!" It's all very ironic and chill and we're all just here for a good time.

Don't like pepper spray in the face? Just ask us to stop! We'll add you to our wall of shame for pepper spray wimps, but that's also ironic.

When our fans ask us macho bullshit like "can Joe Rogan handle the pepper spray?" that's probably also ironic.

Also, irony has never been part of macho posturing! *airhorn sound*

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“There’s a lot to unpack here” I proclaim, after receiving a large package

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GENIE: You have three wishes. What will they be?
ME: I want you to give me three smooches. :blobkissblush:
GENIE: omg i thought you'd never ask...... :blobmelt: what do u want ur three wishes to be though ? :blobblush:

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While you were learning the slam dunk of basketball, I was learning the slam dunk of the mind.

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pinkeye was invented by the government to sell more tshirts with "i got pinkeye and all i got was this lousy t-shirt" on them

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they didn't put my fursona in Endgame, which means they must be saving her for the next movie

You, a pessimist: "Avengers: Endgame"

Me: "Avengers half full!"

peptostate :horsiefied: boosted

USA party politics shitpost Show more

USA party politics shitpost Show more

peptostate :horsiefied: boosted

Me to Eugen after I pronounce his name wrong so many times that he grabs a weapon

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jorts.horse

Unstoppable shitposting engine.