peptostate @peptostate@jorts.horse

Employee at the gym: So what are your goals? What kind of body do you want?

Me: *Pulls out phone, excitedly starts showing him pictures of river otters*

Employee: What

Me: What

@peptostate
What were you raised in a barn? Dont play (video games) with your food.

Skeletons are food, not friends.

@peptostate I cant tell if I love this or I hate this

this specific mastodon toot cinematic universe

@peptostate i haven’t watched it yet either but freddie mercury was a dude who could rock one well.

if there’s one thing the freddie mercury movie did right it’s help normalize moustaches

Found this picture of @garfiald, thought y’all’d like to see it.

“There’s a lot to unpack here” I proclaim, after receiving a large package

GENIE: You have three wishes. What will they be?
ME: I want you to give me three smooches.
GENIE: omg i thought you'd never ask...... what do u want ur three wishes to be though ?

the epic andre show

pinkeye was invented by the government to sell more tshirts with "i got pinkeye and all i got was this lousy t-shirt" on them

they didn't put my fursona in Endgame, which means they must be saving her for the next movie

@peptostate what really matters is this. Our American feedom to choose our own private health insurance.

Me to Eugen after I pronounce his name wrong so many times that he grabs a weapon