mason @sweetmercury@jorts.horse

The word 'McLennon' has seared itself into my brain because of this post, killing me instantly

"here's my two-factor authentication" i shout angrily before raising my fists.

knuckle tats:
P A S S
W O R D

This year, we are all the April fool

what's triz working on today? here's a hint

i wish i was joking but i live in constant terror of unwritten rules

i've somehow gone my whole life without ever ordering food delivery and now i'm afraid that if i try it i'll accidentally commit the kind of awful faux pas that causes people to make twitter threads about you

@caymanwent "Judging by the splatter pattern of this Nickelodeon Gak, the victim was killed execution style, up close. Makes me sick..."

some classic olga to ease the coronavirus blues.

Sid Meier's Bimboification

my dick is visually and functionally identical to what you might call a "hammer". and i gotta tell you, I'm not exactly sure why, but my balls are starting to look an awful lot like nails!

Weds would like you all to know life as a pup is TERRIBLE just look at how uncomfortable she is `

US politics kick ass because they manage to drag a single election out over an entire year and every single person on earth gets to hear about twitter celebrities making comments like "state senator Fucks McGucket just spent THREE BILLION dollars on various yachts, retweet to send him to JAIL" about the controversial Iowa-Ohio Caucus Voting Gerrymandering Budget Bill nonstop for three hundred fucking days

I think they should call it COVFEFE-45, instead;;

Folks, we are at this junction. This is where we're at.

me, a genius landlord who got to the top of society by being deserving and smart: hmm, my tenants are circulating a flier about refusing to pay rent. i will simply send an email telling them to ignore it.

im crackin open a damn soda and posting online, on jorts.horse

a medical fetish shop in the UK donated its entire stock of disposable scrubs to a desperate NHS hospital which contacted them for help. so that's where the world is presently.

Radtown is down, post inflammatory takes: if you cut your jorts so that the pockets hang below the hem, you look like an actual clown